Page 23 of Forgiving Paris
Kari was staring at her. “Go. He needs you, Ashley.”
Nobody needs me,she wanted to shout. Ashley ran out of the room, and down the stairs to the front of the house. Landon was there in the entryway, wrapped in a gray winter parka. There was snow in his hair. For the first time he didn’t look sad about the situation.
He looked angry.
“Can we talk?” He spoke through gritted teeth. “Please, Ash.”
It was one of the coldest days of winter, but Ashley didn’t want this conversation here inside the house. Where her family could listen to every word. She grabbed her warmest coat and hat from the nearby closet and wrapped a scarf around her neck.
He led the way to the porch swing out front. The cold had given way to a blizzard, and snow swirled across the covered porch. Landon waited till she sat down on one side of the swing, before taking the opposite.
The space he allowed between them was definitely intentional.
“It’s cold.” Ashley’s teeth chattered. “And I need to pack.”
“You can pack later.” Landon slipped his hands into his jacket. “It hit me this evening, you’re really going. You’re leaving tomorrow and you have no plans to come back.”
Ashley blinked the snow from her face. “You already knew that. We talked about it at my party.”
“Yeah, about that…” Landon was so angry he didn’t look cold at all. Like he couldn’t see or feel the snow all around them. “I dropped a dozen hints that I wanted time alone with you. Down by the stream, near the rock. Or out here after everyone was gone.” He released a single laugh.
There was nothing funny about it.
“There I am in the living room talking to the friends we grew up with and you breeze in and say you’re turning in early. At ten o’clock, Ashley. With five people still at the party.” He knit his brow together. “Including me.” He stood and paced to the porch railing before turning and staring at her. “What was that all about?”
“I was tired.” Ashley could only keep this up for so long. He was onto her, of course. She could never lie to Landon and get away with it. “It wasn’t my fault those guys stayed so late.”
Landon uttered another sad laugh and shook his head. He turned and faced the snowy front acreage of theBaxters’ property. The snow was coming down harder now, flying in every direction. When he spoke next, he had to yell so she could hear him. Especially with his back to her. “If this is how you want it to be, Ash.”
That was the problem. Ashley didn’t want things like this, distance and discord between Landon and her. Yes, she was moving on, and true, she had no plans to return. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t aching for Landon Blake. Even then.
Ashley stood and closed the distance between them. She slipped her hands around his waist and laid her head on his back. Even through his thick winter coat, she could feel him breathing, feel his hot anger trembling through his body. Her voice was a whisper against the wind. “I’m sorry, Landon.”
He turned and searched her eyes. “Say it again. Look at me and say it.”
She did as he asked, and it was almost more than she could take. Her eyes lost in his, she repeated herself. “I’m sorry! I… never meant to hurt you.”
His anger eased. In its place was a quieter desperation. “Me?” He worked his arms around her waist and held her close. “What about you, Ash? You’re hurting us both with this… this stupid trip to Paris.” He tugged on her hat, bringing it a bit lower on her forehead. “Don’t you see? You’re not ready. Leaving Indiana… your family… me… That won’t make the accident go away.”
He was right, and she hated him for it. Especially now, fourteen hours before heading to the airport. Being herein his arms made her doubt everything about going. Which was not at all how she wanted to feel. She slipped free of his arms and sat on the swing again. “At least in Paris no one will know.”
Landon studied her and after a few seconds he did a slow nod. “So that’s it? That’s what this is all about?” He moved back to the swing and sat, facing her. “You want to be where no one knows you as Ashley the girl who had the accident?”
She didn’t want to cry. It was too cold. Her tears would freeze on her face. “Sounds pretty good right about now.”
“It doesn’t work that way.” His voice softened for the first time that night. “You’re supposed to go to Paris with a plan to paint… to chase your dreams. You don’t go so that people won’t see your past.”
“I have a plan, Landon. You know that.”
“But the accident will be in here.” He put his hand over his chest. “You can’t outrun it, Ash. All you can do is let God heal you from it. So you can live again.” He shook his head and again he stood and walked to the railing.
The snow was letting up a little. Ashley could see the road at the end of their front yard. But it was still cold and this was going nowhere. She wanted to tell him to go home, that she’d made up her mind and she was leaving in the morning. Which was true. Nothing he could say would change her decision now.
But her heart wouldn’t let her speak. She stood and went to him once more. This time she came up next tohim and slid one arm around his waist. Since their first date when they were sixteen, Ashley had loved being at Landon’s side, tucked in close against him.
At first, he didn’t move, but then he eased his arm around her shoulders and held her. Tighter than before. After a minute, he faced her. With the soft snow falling around them, Landon brushed a few flakes from her cheeks.
Then he did the only thing she wanted him to do. He brought her face to his and kissed her. His lips barely touched hers at first, as if he didn’t want either of them to leave this moment more hurt than they already would be.
