Page 53 of Forgiving Paris
When Ashley walked out of the store, she knew two things. First, God had heard her feeble prayer outside the bookstore. And second, she wasn’t alone.
The sun was breaking across the Seine, and Ashley leaned back in her chair. Her eyes were dry now, and it nolonger felt like she was looking out over today’s city. But the one that had been so hard on her years ago.
Whether she was alone or not, every hour was hard back then. Finding clothes clean enough to wear to work… getting food within her meager budget. Trying to sleep in a bed surrounded by strangers.
But when Ashley met Alice something happened. For the first time since her plane had touched ground in the City of Light, Ashley had a reason to think of someone else. Rather than waking up hating herself and wondering how she was going to raise a child on her own, Ashley began climbing out of bed thinking about Alice.
The girl had been even worse off than Ashley.
Since they were both pregnant, she began taking her new book with her to the restaurant. Together they talked about how big their babies might be at that point and what was going to happen in each of the trimesters of their pregnancies.
But then Ashley had realized something. Alice needed more than knowledge about her baby if she was going to survive. Heroin called to the girl day and night. So even though she was still angry at God about the accident, and though she was the farthest thing from a Christian, Ashley knew there was only one Source strong enough to help Alice with that sort of addiction.
The Bible.
Ashley leaned forward and rested her elbows on the windowsill.God, I could never have known what was at stake. That Alice was about to take her life.Her eyes stungagain at the magnitude of it all. You used me to save her life. When I was my ugliest, my absolute worst.
Ashley, precious daughter, I never stopped loving you.
The voice was as clear as the view across Paris.God… You’re here. I can feel You. Thank You, Lord… for redeeming my time here. I… I didn’t deserve You then and I don’t deserve You now.
She could remember when it all changed, when she knew that she couldn’t live another day without Jesus.
The men had been following her, Ashley was sure. They wanted to harm her. Finally Ashley knew she had to call home. Never mind how long it had been or the wicked things she had done since she last spoke with her parents. She had needed to hear her mother’s voice more than she needed her next breath.
At a bank, she exchanged several francs for coins, and she practically ran down three streets to the nearest pay phone. Inside the booth, with shaking fingers, she had dialed home.
Her mom answered on the first ring. “Hello? Ashley… is this you?”
The sound of her mother’s voice was as vivid now as it had been then, and again tears spilled onto Ashley’s cheeks.You never stopped believing in me, Mom. No matter what I had done… no matter how I hurt you.If only her mom could have been here yesterday to share together the goodness of God’s rescue of Ashley and Alice.
The memory continued. “Yes… it’s me.” Ashley hadn’t known how to explain the awful decisions she’dmade, so she didn’t try. Instead she said the only thing that mattered. “Please… I want to come home.”
Arrangements for a flight came together quickly. Her parents paid for the ticket and had it waiting for her at the airport the next day.
The only hard part had been leaving Alice. Ashley went back to the boulangerie to put in her notice and tell the owner thank you. But Alice wasn’t working. “Good things are happening to that girl.” Her boss shook his head. “I have to think that’s because of you, Ashley.”
Of course, Ashley had doubted that. There had been no final conversation with her friend, no way to know what had happened to her. Not until a few days ago. And to think… the son saved back then was now dating Jessie.
Streaks of dusty pink worked their way across the sky and a sense of wonder came over Ashley. Her mom must’ve been praying for her back then. Her dad and Landon, too. Because Ashley never should’ve made it home.
She remembered the flight back to Indiana, her suitcases in the belly of the plane. Her paintings safe and intact. There, thirty thousand feet off the ocean surface, Ashley realized exactly what she had done. The gravity of it. The guilt.
Jean-Claude was married. She had no right touring Paris with him and kissing him. Sharing a bed with him. All of it was disgusting, and finally, there on that airplane, she could see the truth clearly.
The tears she cried in the air between Paris and New York, her first stop, were enough to make her flight attendant concerned. “Miss, do you need help?”
Ashley only shook her head every time the woman asked.There is only One who can help me now,she had thought. And for the entire seven hours on that flight, she had called out to Him.Forgive me, God… I’m so sorry. Please help me.
Finally, when the plane was an hour from landing, a peace came over Ashley and she heard a voice, the same one she’d just heard here in her hotel room.
I sent my Son to die… so that you would be forgiven, daughter. The past is gone… along with every bad decision. You are free.
The words still soothed the edges of her soul and gave her a reason to draw breath. She was free. Then and now and always. God forgave her. What she’d done in Paris was forgotten.
Forever.
No, Ashley hadn’t gone home with a perfect faith or a willingness to step back into her old church circle. She still felt like an outcast, even after her parents had greeted her at the airport with love and understanding. Even when they saw that she was pregnant. But her siblings had struggled to understand. Ashley’s story had been difficult for all of them.
