Page 78 of Host for the Holidays
“Vous êtes là?” The voice of the elevator technician comes from somewhere on the stairs, asking if we’re here. As if we could be anywhere else.
We talk for a couple of minutes, and he gets my phone number so that he can talk to me while he’s in the mechanical room. It’s not long before he has me press the four button, and presto! We’re on our way up again.
There’s a whole lot of tension lingering in the air as I unlock the door to the apartment, and even though part of me wants to smack myself for stopping the kissing, the smarter part of me knows it was the right move.
After unlocking the apartment, I flip on the lamp we bought from IKEA. We both set down our things in silence. No part of me wants Madi to think I stopped kissing her because Iwantedto stop kissing her, so I turn as I shrug off my coat.
“Hey, can we talk about . . . stuff?”
She smiles. “Yeah, of course.” Okay, so she doesn’t seem to be heartbroken over my interrupting things . . . I can’t decide how to feel about that.
I lead the way over to the couch, taking a seat and angling myself toward her, my knee resting on the cushion.
“Listen,” I say. “About back in the elevator . . .”
“You don’t have to stress about it, Rémy. I’m sorry if I put you in a weird position.”
“I mean”—I rotate my shoulders a bit to stretch my back—“those bars against my back didn’t feel great, but . . .”
She smiles at my joke, and I feel a bit better. Is she apologizing because she thinks it’s her fault? If only she knew how much I’ve been wanting to do exactly what we did.
“You just got out of a serious relationship,” I say. “I don’t want to take advantage of that.”
“That’snotwhat’s happening. I promise. I know it seems weird when I say I’m okay, but it’s true. Maybe I shouldn’t be, but”—her thumb taps on her leg—“I think I’ve been expecting that breakup for a while. It’s not like it was a sudden conclusion I came to. It’s been building in me.”
I don’t even know what to say to that. I mean, I don’t think she should be mourning Josh by any means. I’m genuinely happy for her to be out of that relationship because I don’t think he deserves her, and I don’t think he would make her happy. But I’m unclear what it means about what happened in the elevator.
“But it’s not just about me,” she says after a second. “I don’t want you to feel like a rebound.”
I smile ruefully. “I admit, the thought had crossed my mind. But, at the risk of mentioning the elephant in the room . . .”
“I’m leaving soon.”
I nod, chewing on the inside of my lip and watching her. Her eyes are on me, exploring my face. I can see her brain working.
“Probably not super smart to jump into anything when it’s got an expiration date,” she says.
Expiration date.I hate that, the idea that Madi and I are going to expire like spoiled milk. But that doesn’t mean it’s not true. Thereisan expiration date on . . . whatever this is, and that date is January 2nd.
“Well, let’s not make it complicated,” she says, her tone turning more upbeat. “We can be friends. And business partners, since we’ve still got some work to do on the apartment and on the city guide for future guests.” She lifts her shoulders in a careless shrug. “We just keep it light. Nothing serious.”
There’s nothing light about how I feel right now. I’m the one who brought up this whole subject, but now I’m having to quash an impulse to convince Madi against the “just friends” thing. She notices the delay in my response.
“Unless you’d rather not.” Her voice sounds so hesitant all of a sudden. Almost embarrassed.
“No, no,” I hurry to say. I can see the opportunity to spend time with Madi slipping away before my eyes, and even if it’s the dumbest choice out there, I can’t pass it up. I can keep it light, right? I mean, if that’s what Madi wants, that’s really my only choice. And given that she’s leaving in two weeks, it’s the smart thing to do. I just need to realign my priorities and remember what I set out to do in the first place: help out André and make sure Madi’s stay at his place is a 5-star experience. “All of that sounds good to me.”
“Great,” Madi says, and her tone is at least half-convincing.
It’s how I feel, too. Half-convinced. Which tells me that it’ll probably be pretty easy to slip back into kissing her if I don’t shore up this decision a bit. I may be able to keep things light with her if I stay on my A-game, but if we keep blurring the lines like we did in the elevator . . . well, I’m only human.
The silence after herGreatsays a lot, but we’ve already agreed on the path forward, so I change the subject.
“Sorry about the elevator breaking. The timing was—” I shake my head at the unbelievable bad luck. Not that it felt so bad being in there with her.
Not helpful.
“I told you your city hates me.”
