Page 78 of Kissing for Keeps
Better go for it before I freak her out too much.
“I know the other night we decided we’d just be friends.”
She holds my gaze, giving the slightest of nods to acknowledge she knows what I’m talking about.
“The problem is, I don’twantto be just friends with you, Siena. I don’t know that I’ve ever really wanted that. It’s what I’ve forced myself to do, and obviously, I haven’t been very successful at it.”
Flashes of our kiss in the ruins run through my mind, and I’m pretty sure they’re doing the same for her.
I take a step toward her. “I don’t want to pretend anymore, and I don’t want to lie anymore. Not to myself. Not to you.” I take in a deep breath. “And not to Madi. I want to tell her.”
Siena’s eyes widen.
“Not just about what’s already happened. I want to tell her what Iwantto happen. I want to give things with us a real shot.”
She looks away, shaking her head. “You don’t really mean that, Jack.”
I grab her hand. “I do mean it. This is serious business. We’re at DEFCON 1, Sheppard.”
She laughs and finally meets my eye, skepticism etched on the lines on her forehead. “Nuclear war?”
“Yes,” I say definitively, even though I had no idea that was what DEFCON 1 meant.
“We can’t tell Madi, Jack. We don’t even know what thisis.”
“I just told you. DEFCON 1.”
She smiles, but I know she’s serious, and I understand her misgivings.
“The only way to find out is to give it an actual chance, right?”
She swallows. “What if it fizzles after a few days?”
“It won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Youdon’t know that I don’t know that.”
She shoots me a look and pulls her hand away. “None of this is real, though.” She looks around at the cottage. “We’re at a chateau in France. This place is designed to make people feel like they’re in a romance movie.”
“I think it was actually designed as a fortress to protect against brutal attacks, but go on.”
She shoots me an unamused look. “I don’t think we can assume it’ll continue once we’re back home. I bet it’ll all feel like a dream.”
“A dream,” I repeat. “You mean the part where I paid the equivalent of my life savings for fungus? Or the part where you snored embarrassingly loud on the airplane? Because, quite frankly, this experience would have been more like a nightmare than a dream with anyone else. But that’s the point. With you, even those crazy moments have been fun. Is it just me who feels that way?”
She holds my gaze, biting at the inside of her lip, then looks away. “No, it’s not. But we still can’t tell Madi.”
I open my mouth to protest, but she cuts me off.
“Notyet. We’ve got to at least wait until after the honeymoon. Then,ifwe still feel the same way”—she takes in and lets out a big breath—“we’ll tell her. I mean, I plan on telling her about the… kisses, regardless. But not right now. I really don’t want to ruin her wedding, Jack.”
I rub my chin. “Yeah, I know. You’ve worked so hard.” I get it. I do. It’s kind of a lose-lose situation, though. If we don’t tell Madi,we preserve the happiness of the wedding, but both of us are wracked with guilt. If wedotell her, we do the right thing but put a massive damper on the biggest days of her life.
I don’t know if Madi will forgive me when she finds out what’s been happening behind the scenes, but I’d rather tell her the truth than have her in the darkandlive with the regret of wondering what might have been with Siena.
But telling her will have to wait.
