Page 32 of Hail Marry
How much did you pay him to take this picture?
That’s when my mom calls. I stare at my phone screen for a few seconds, debating whether to answer. I’m sure they’re worried, though, so I pick up.
“Hey, Mom!”
“Tori? Are you okay, sweetie?”
“More than okay,” I say, winking at Luca, who’s watching like I’m a dumpster fire about to explode in his face.
“You’re just teasing us, right?” It’s my dad’s voice now, and I can picture him leaning over Mom’s shoulder, a worried expression on his increasingly-wrinkly face.
“No, Dad. You’ve got a new son-in-law! And he’s gonna be your favorite.”
They both start speaking, but I talk over them. “I can’t really talk, but I promise I’m happy and healthy, and I’ll answer your questions soon—and introduce you to Luca officially. I’m just really busy right now.”
Not the type of busy they probably assume, but they don’t need to know specifics. And I’d like to not have this conversation until I can figure out how to frame it properly.
“For now,” I continue before they can say anything, “can you act as my liaison? Let everyone know you talked to me? I don’t want to spend my precious honeymoon hours fielding questions.” A thought occurs to me, and I turn to Luca and mouthkiss me!while I point to my cheek.
He looks at me like I’m a crazy person. He must’ve reached his cheek-kiss quota for the day.
Clearly, he’s going to be zero help. I glance at Luca and stage-whisper, “Stop it! My parents are on the phone!”
His brow furrows, silently asking,What?
I slide my hand chaotically over my phone’s mic to imitate a playful struggle. Luca looks at me like he’s just now realizing the mess he’s gotten into by tying himself to me in a legally binding way.
“Okay, okay!” I whisper. “Gotta go, Mom and Dad! Love you!”
And then I hang up.
Luca stares at me.
“What?” I say. “I needed to get them off the phone. Trust me. It’s for the best.”
“Right.” He’s thoroughly unconvinced.
To fend off any other potential calls from family, I grab the Explanation of Benefits letter I got from my insurance company today and call the hospital billing department. That ought to tie up my phone line for a good hour. It’s definitely been tying up my thoughts since I opened it. The number under “patient responsibility” is nauseating.
When I finally reach the right department, I leave the living room and shut myself in my room. I need the hospital to give me some leeway on payment deadlines, and I don’t want Luca to hear that conversation. The anticipated bill is every bit as astronomical as I’d anticipated: just shy of $5000. And that’safterinsurance. I feel sick every time I think about it.
Mara’s the billing employee I have the pleasure of talking to. She’s a middle-aged woman who seems to hate her job. I can’t blame her. No one wants to be the one hounding people for payment after the physical and emotional trauma of a hospital visit.
“Hi, Mara,” I say. “I just received my EOB from my insurance company, and I wanted to?—”
“That’s not a bill,” she says.
“Yeah, I understand,” I say, looking at the huge capital letters on the letter that sayThis is not a bill. “I just wanted to get a head start and talk with you to see if there’s an arrangement we can come up with since the bill is…a lot.”
“It’s not a bill, ma’am.”
I shut my eyes and force myself to smile. “Yes. Thank you. I understand that.”
In the most bored voice on the planet, she asks for enough information to look up my account. Two minutes of typing and clicking follow while I pace my room
“Okay,” she says. “I’ve got your account pulled up.”
“Great. Is there any type of discount you can offer, or at the very least a payment plan or something? It’s going to take me a while to pay off that amount.”
