Page 36 of Acting Merry
But I feel something anyway. Embarrassed, maybe? Because I’m attached to Cole. How can henotfeel some sort of attachment to me after today?
“Can I ask you something?” I say.
“Shoot.”
“Why go out with people at all if you’re not interested in relationships?”
It’s quiet. Again. And I’m left with more puzzle pieces that don’t fit anywhere. The Cole I know always has a response.
“It seems a little like ordering food in a restaurant and then smelling it instead of eating it,” I continue.
“You don’t do that?” There’s a smile in his voice.
“I try not to torture myself.”
“Exactly why I don’t do relationships.”
A scoffing laugh erupts from my mouth. “Relationships shouldn’t be torture. The opposite.”
“You telling me it didn’t hurt when Braden broke up with you?”
My smile fades. “Brady,” I say, more out of a need to stall than because I care what he calls him.
“Did it hurt?”
I hesitate, remembering the tight feeling in my chest when Brady told me he thought we’d be better off as friends. It’s the same feeling I get when I look at him and Megan. It’s this deep sense of…rejection and being left behind. So deep it rumbles in my bones. “Yeah, it hurt.”
A few seconds tick by before Cole says anything. “Were you expecting it?”
My heart twinges. “No. But maybe that was for thebest. I don’t know what’s worse. Expecting it or not expecting it.”
“Not expecting it.”
I turn my head in Cole’s direction, but I can only see the vaguest outline of his body and a pile of discarded blankets next to him. There’s a story behind those words. Not just a story. There’s pain, and I want so badly to know more.
“That’s why I’m always clear with women that I’m not looking for a relationship,” he says.
He’s definitely been clear with me, that’s for sure. “Has your two-date policy done its job? Or have you ever gotten attached despite it?”
The silence that follows is longer than it should be. “Just once.”
My heart skips a beat, and I know why. There’s a name behind that response, and my heart is hoping it’s mine.
“What time do you wanna head out tomorrow?” he asks.
Apparently, our pillow talk is over. In his mind, he’s already driving home.
I’d been thinking we could leave first thing, but there’s no way the ice will be melted by then. “Whenever it’s safe, I guess?” I grab my phone and pull up the weather app. The hour-by-hour temperature breakdown makes my stomach sink. “Based on the forecast, it’s not looking great.”
“When will it warm up?”
I scroll farther, watching for the temperature to tip above freezing. “You don’t wanna know. ”
“I do.”
I bite my lip. “Sunday afternoon.”
“Sunday afternoon it is,” he says, sounding unconcerned. He must not be too worried about the risk of getting attached.
