Page 115 of Love It or List It
Austin came to my swim meet.
It’s like not wanting to get married 6 months after meeting a guy isn’t a valid life choice, Joe wrote back.Seriously, he’d think the kids would be happy he wasn’t rushing into anything.
He headed into the house and found Will in the kitchen, typing on his phone, a carrot stick poking out of his mouth like a parody of a cigar.Joe probably should have been more afraid to look at the chat.
He’s talking to your uncle Marco about redoing the en suite in your bedroom, you absolute buffoon
Home reno and collaboration with extended family
Your boring homelife is nauseating
What was nauseating was this conversation.The evidence was damning, and Joe couldn’t ignore what it all added up to.Not that it kept him from trying.
He just doesn’t like sharing a bathroom with a teenager.
Will tore his eyes away from his phone to give Joe a Look.Then he typed out,Every time you talk about home staging, he looks like you kicked Pepa in front of him.
More laughter and mocking followed in the chat.
Joe slumped into a kitchen chair and rested his head against the table.
“I’m in love,” he whispered to himself.His phone stopped vibrating.“I’m in love with Austin.”
“Uh, yeah?”Will said, taking the seat opposite him.“Did you seriously not know this?”
Joe groaned.His phone had gone suspiciously quiet.Desperate for the distraction, he asked about it.
“I told them you were having a breakdown because apparently this was somehow news to you, so they should cut out the teasing in the group chat until I could figure out what level of breakdown we were talking about.”
Jesus Christ.At least he’d donesomethingright.
“Should I get you a drink?What’s the protocol?”He paused.“Or, like, I could call Starling?”
“Jesus Christ,” Joe said out loud this time.“Don’t put me on the news.You guys already sunk my battleship, okay?”Nobody else needed to use him for target practice today.
Will frowned.“Sure, whatever.But… I don’t get it.Like… ‘Oh no, I’m in love with my husband who wants to build me an expensive luxury bathroom.’Boo hoo.”
Husband.That word again.Joe was going to start tearing his hair out.
“Uh,” Will went on before Joe could get further into his breakdown, “that came out meaner than I meant it to.But, like… love is good, right?Like, the dream?Please don’t make me talk to you about how hot Austin is.That would be so awkward.”
“Oh God.”
“Right?”Will said.“So like… beer?Is that the move?Or is that the first step on the path to alcoholism?”
“No beer,” Joe decided.Nothing foamy should touch his stomach right now.His digestive system was already throwing a rager.He needed to take a minute.
When the moment had passed, Will got up anyway and went to the fridge.He returned a moment later with a glass of water, which he put in front of Joe, and then he started taking vegetables out of the fridge.“I still don’t get what’s so bad about this.”
“I’m notgood at it,” Joe blurted.
There was a loud clatter.Joe looked up to see Will had dropped the knife he’d been using to chop up a cucumber.“What?”
Fuck, he should’ve kept his mouth shut.Now he had to explain, or—or he’d end up with Will trying to make him feel better.Will was hiskid.Will had just gotten disowned.Joe couldn’t put his own bullshit trauma on his kid.
“Joe.”Will looked like he’d been gutted.“You are really, horrifyingly good at love, okay?You’re the reason we know what that is.”
“I’m good at loving people,” Joe corrected.“I’m not good at keeping someone in love with me.”
