Page 63 of Love It or List It
Apparently that was all it took to break the seal.“Just—Meg getseverything, you know?Like, she’s born to parents who have money, and she’s got this natural talent for swimming.Gets headhunted for a full ride to amazing schools even though her parents could’ve paid to send her wherever.”
Yeah, Austin had guessed right.He nodded neutrally and debated a second cookie.
Who was he kidding?He picked one up.
“Sucks,” he offered.“But, like… you know life’s not fair.This isn’t news to you.Doesn’t make it any easier, but….”But it doesn’t explain your kind of over-the-top reaction.
“Yeah.”Alex crossed their arms and blurted out the next part.“But, like—I don’t even know what I want to do with my life, and Meg has this passion and her parents and this promised scholarship, and she’s gonna have, like, a career path and sponsorships and just—everything all planned out.I don’t even know if I’ll go to college or university, and that’s—fine.I mean, I think I’m fine with it.I know that’s not Meg’s fault, but now she’s being allweird.”
And that was where the train of thought screeched to a halt.Austin waited to see if Alex would pick up steam again before prompting, “Weird how?”
“I don’tknow,” Alex all but wailed.“And she keeps dragging me to all these feminist events, and it hurts.”They sniffled and wiped at their nose.Austin made a note to loan them a clean sweatshirt later.“Like, she brings me to these places filled with women and for women and about women, and I don’t know if I fit in there now and I feel weird and dysphoric.And….”
That was already a lot; there was anand?“And?”
“Sometimes it feels like she’s trying to say something,” they admitted.
Ouch.Austin winced.He could guess, but he still cocked his head and asked, “Like what?”
Alex’s voice cracked, just a little.“Like she wishes I still thought I was a girl.”
These cookies should have more chocolate in them.“That sounds like it would be painful.”Austin chewed another bite, thinking things over.He didn’t want to dismiss Alex’s concerns, even if he thought they were probably projecting, but he didn’t want to confirm them either.The best advice he could give was the hardest to follow through with.“So… look.I can’t say I’ve been there, because I haven’t.Still, it strikes me that not everyone stays friends forever, but they definitely won’t if they don’t talk about shit like this.”
Alex pulled a face, clearly not enjoying Austin’s advice.
He shrugged.“You don’t have to listen to me.I’m just some idiot who knows your single dad.But I’m also someone who’s never had this many friends because I was too busy hiding.So maybe don’t be like me.”He paused.“And like… not to take sides, but if Meg doesn’t know what’s going on in your head right now, how’s she supposed to be a good friend to you?It’s not like feminist issues only affect women.I’m pretty sure that’s, like, a whole thing, right?Intersectional feminism?Like how trans men still need gynecological care or whatever?”He thought that was a vast oversimplification, but getting into details didn’t seem necessary and was also outside his comfort zone.
Alex pursed their lips.“I guess.”They picked up their beer and took a tiny sip.
“Maybe you could ask Meg if she wants to go to a queer event instead next time.”He paused.“After you explain and apologize, I mean.Because….”
“Because I was kind of a raging bitch?”Alex suggested, a little wetly.
“I probably would’ve phrased it differently.”
Alex sighed, sipped their beer again, then said timidly, “Can I have milk instead?”
Austin grinned as he stood up and clapped them on the shoulder.“Of course, kid.Come on, let’s find something dumb on TV while we wait for your dad.You want to crash on the couch?I’ve got some sweats that’ll fit you.Well….”He glanced down at the shirt he’d inherited from DeeDee.“Some of them are pre-preowned.”
By the time Joe got out of the shower, Austin and Alex had settled onIt’s a Wonderful Life.The lights of the Christmas tree cast the cozy living room in a cheerful glow.Aside from that and the television, the room was dark.
Alex was sprawled across the couch, already cuddled under a blanket, their eyelids drooping.It must’ve been an emotional day, Austin thought.Austin had chosen the armchair instead.Joe glanced at the couch, then the chair, then shrugged and grabbed a cushion from near Alex’s feet and plopped it next to Austin’s legs so he could use the front of the chair as a backrest.
“Good?”he murmured.
Austin inhaled.It was a new kind of intimacy, to feel the residual heat of a shower on someone else’s body.He could smell Joe’s shampoo—something with apples.He wanted to touch his hair.“Good,” he agreed.Alex’s breathing was deepening.“I’ll tell you about it later.”
Joe leaned his head back against the chair, tilted his head up.The column of his throat made a long, beautiful line, mottled with red and green and blue and magenta in the lights from the tree.“Thank you,” he said.
Austin still hadn’t figured out the specifics of making Joe fall in love with him.He didn’t have any experience to draw on.But being there for the kids seemed like a good place to start, and it wasn’t hard when he had Joe’s example to draw from.
Besides, he liked them.Sure, they were unholy terrors and they gave him and Joe an unending amount of shit and most days basic gratitude was beyond their grasp, but they loved each other and Joe.They deserved kindness and good things and adults who cared about them.And maybe one day they might love Austin too.
Austin cleared his throat.“Don’t mention it.”
THE DAYSleading up to the holiday flew by.Between his shopping and menu planning, Joe was glad the weather had turned cold and snowy, unsuitable for landscape work.It gave him more time to finish all the other things on his to-do list.
Shopping for the kids was easier than usual this year.He found a deal on an older-model die-cutting machine for Gavin so he could make his silly T-shirts himself.For Alex, a pair of Mulan socks and a used smartphone, an upgrade from their current model, which couldn’t hold a charge for more than a few hours.
