Page 113 of Love It or List It
He groaned and buried his head in his arms.
“Just start slow.Like… ‘Hey, Joe, is it cool if we go get screened for STDs and promise not to sleep with other people so we can stop wasting money on condoms?’”
Austin slithered off the chair and rolled under the table.
“The consequences of your own actions can still find you under there.”As if to prove her point, she pushed back from the table and crawled under with him.Her knees popped alarmingly.“Austin.If you haven’t even talked about that, you’re not moving slowly.You’re standing still.”
Ouch.He let that land and sink in, because if he didn’t he was afraid he’d find out in a few weeks or months that she was right.And the danger there was that the world would move on without him.
Then he took a deep breath.“The thing is,” he said finally, “I can’t pretend anymore.That this isn’t serious for me.I’m not standing still, it’s just… there isn’t any farther to go.”
Linda squeezed his hand.“It’s a reasonable boundary, you know.Not pretending he means less to you than he does.If you don’t think you can talk about it, you could just stop pretending and see what happens.”
Blinking, Austin considered that.What if he stopped holding back in front of people?What if he kissed Joe whenever the urge struck instead of only when he was trying to start something in bed?What if, when Joe was making dinner to the standards he’d returned to, postpneumonia, Austin stopped biting back things likeI love how intense you get about Parmigiano Reggiano versus Romano cheesejust because they had the L-word in them?
Joe didn’t have to reciprocate now.Austin could wait—as long as he knew Joe wanted to one day.That they wouldn’t remain stuck in this weird limbo place forever.That meant more to him than the house.And if Austin practiced that, he could ease into the words thing.Maybe he could even casually drop into conversation that he’d sold the garage.He couldn’t go backward.
He could only move toward a future and hope it had room in it for him and Joe together.
JOE SATin the Timmies parking lot with his engine off and the cabin slowly cooling.Hopefully Will would be let off shift soon, because Joe was all for not idling to save the planet, but he didn’t want to freeze his balls off to do it.
Maybe he should have gone inside, but he was trying to give the kid some space.He’d shown up once to do the teasing proud dad thing, making a big deal out of Will taking his order—just enough to be embarrassing but not enough to make Will quit and refuse to speak to him again.
But as much as Joe didn’t want to embarrass Will further, it was fucking cold and the kid’s shift ended five minutes ago, according to his dashboard clock.
Joe sipped his drive-through coffee to warm up and pondered the best way to entertain himself.He could text Austin, but the guy was still at work for at least another thirty minutes, and given that he’d apparently permanently cut back on his hours—a fact Joe felt guilty about and that Austin wouldn’t talk about, thus ramping up his guilt—Joe didn’t want to distract him and take away anymoreworking minutes.
Maybe he could call Starling?
“Ugh, it’s almost as cold in here as it is outside,” Will griped before he was all the way in the cab.
Joe rolled his eyes and said cheerfully, “Well, if you didn’t leave me waiting out here for ten minutes, it wouldn’t be an issue.”
Will glared as he buckled his seat belt.“It’s not my fault that I have to change and shit after my shift is done.”
Joe turned on the engine.“Note to self: Show up fifteen minutes late from now on unless the weather is nice.”
“You’re such a dad,” Will groaned.Then, before Joe could say anything to prove or disprove that statement, he asked, “What’s for dinner?”
Teenagers.“Too tired for fancy.Austin’s picking up a roast chicken and fresh bread, and we’re making a salad.”
“I can’t believe I ever thought Austin was cool,” Will said.“You two are the most boring married couple I know and it’s barely been six months since you met.”
Hands tightening on the steering wheel, Joe flushed.His mouth went dry.He and Austin were not “married.”“We’re not—” he started.
Will flapped a hand.“Whatever.Legal paperwork.You’re good as.Though Gavin’s gonna be super pissed if you don’t have a summer wedding.He wants to throw wildflowers when he’s flower girl.”
“Wildflowers—girl—what?”Thank God Joe was stopped at a red light and could check his ersatz child for signs of insanity.
Will looked like his usual sassy self.He rolled his eyes.“He called dibs.The rest of us are holding out for groomspeople, but you know Gav.I think he just wants to throw shit.”
“Will—” A horn honked behind them.Joe jumped, checked the light, and hit the gas.“Austin and I are not getting married.We haven’t even—we’re taking things slow.”
A long, echoing pause filled the truck.Joe didn’t take his eyes off the road, but he could feel Will’s gaze.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“We’re taking—”
