Page 56 of Savagely Yours
I shook my head. “You didn’t know.”
“What’s going through your mind?”
“The willfulness of it all. Keeping us away from civilization and planning our routes to the point that we wouldn’t know that a life like that,” I gestured toward the window, “exists. What they were doing was already cruel, but this…”
I trailed off.
“Seeing this makes you realize how calculated they were in creating all these physical barriers to prevent you from thinking life could be different,” he finished. “It’s like…facilitated despair. I mean, why fight, right? As far as you know, the outside world is filled with uncertain dangers, the likes of which we’ve never seen. To live inside a so-called safe haven? They want you to see it as a privilege. You could be out there with the ‘savages,’ and therefore, you should be grateful you have access tosomefood and shelter.”
“Right.”
He drew me close with a tenderness that momentarily assuaged every ache, wrapping me up until my body was completely swallowed by his.
“This reminds me of one of my first assignments after I was recruited onto a ghost unit from the SEALs,” he said. “I’ve told you about that, right?”
I settled against him. “Yeah, we’ve talked about it. I don’t mind hearing more.”
“Well, when we first started out, one of our assignments was to provide security for what was called a protected ‘Green Zone.’ It was this walled-off area where they housed intelligence officials, high-value assets…you know the type. The walls, they said, were built to protect the people who, just outside them, were destitute. But we knew the truth. Paradise looks different for everyone. Some people want riches. Others want a comfortable life where they don’t have to worry about stuff like money, food, and healthcare.”
“But, without those walls, paradise starts to look the same for everyone,” I said. “Instead of a dream, it becomes a tangible target.”
He nodded. “Exactly. Once people know what exists, they get a clearer picture of just how much they’re being used. Realistically, there will always be more people than those who try to lord power over them.”
“Do you think they care, though? And I don’t mean the people like Cerner. I mean those out there doing their yoga and drinking their lattes.”
Together, Dez and I could survive on our own outside the walls, but I didn’t know if that was a logical choice anymore. Was a rebellion worth it if it would destroy everyone’s sense of safety?
Not everyone had a Dez.
Almost no one did.
“Let’s show them,” he said. “If they can live with your suffering, along with the others in Sanitation, because it gives them a modicum of comfort, then they’re complicit.”
“And then, we do what?”
“Until you’re better, let’s focus on one thing at a time.”
The conversation mellowed into a companionable silence. I tried to picture myself in a rundown shack in the middle ofthe woods, during winter, trying to get warm while huddled with Dez around a makeshift fire. For dinner, we’d shared some woodland creature that we snared in a trap, unsure when our next meal would come and from where. And, unexpectedly, I felt as comfortable as I did right there in his arms.
“How’ve you managed to keep me here so long?” I asked. “Surely, by now, someone knows I’m missing and should be looking for me.”
“Ana told me not to let you come back,” he said. “So, I know she’s probably not telling anyone you’re not there. And, honestly, I think they know exactly where you are, but let them try to take you from me.”
His body went rigid as he stared off into the distance, repeatedly clenching and relaxing the muscles in his jaw.
“Our relationship’s changing,” I pointed out.
He looked down into my eyes, and I swore I saw a bit of a challenge. “I don’t think it’s changing. It’s just becoming more…honest.”
“I have feelings for you.”
“And I have feelings for you, Tapley.”
“How is that not a change?”
“Because I’ve had them for a while, and I think you’ve had yours for a while, too.”
Mine were the kind where my heart leaped and frolicked at the mention of us getting married, despite how impossible I knew the notion would be. Then, he’d asked out of strategic necessity, which wasn’t exactly romantic as far as proposals went. Still, he would be mine, and that was all I wanted.
