Page 88 of Savagely Yours
He tried to snatch the flyer.
I moved it out of his reach and, out of caution, scanned the periphery for Dez. In a different life, Dez might have sat downwith a therapist to better understand his “kill them if they fuck with my girl” internal wiring. Once we were free of Totten’s claws, I wanted to spend some time learning about all that had made him into the man he was today.
To him, forever remained a possibility.
However, I didn’t want to hope for more, especially under these new circumstances. I was fine with us not placing a timeframe on how long the concept ofuswould last, whether it was ten more days or one hundred years.
I searched the ground, grabbed another flyer, and held it up. “What about this one?” I asked. “This looks like a log of their work hours. A real log. You’ve seen these, so you know this is legit. If this is when they work, when do they rest?”
Emilio turned away.
I lowered the sheet of paper and took him in as if I’d never seen him before. I scanned his hair, the mahogany curls shorn at the sides but allowed to run wild on top. Then there was his olive brown skin, his high-arched, expressive eyebrows, and his navy blue blazer and matching pants. It didn’t matter how I turned my head, how I squinted; he looked like someone I’dexpectedto care.
“Emilio, regardless of what you think, it’s real. I was there. It’s where I was assigned when I first got here.”
He faced me again, his expression softening. “Was this you, then? Did you do this?”
I started to respond, but then I recalled Dez’s warning:
“Don’t tie yourself to this, Tapley. And it’s not because I don’t think you can handle it. It’s because I know I can’t. My feelings for you aren’t complicated. I love you. I’d do anything for you. Larke, you are the most important person in my life, and you risked your own life to try to save mine.So, when it comes to protecting you, I’ll choose violence every single time.”
“No, this wasn’t me,” I said. “Still, when I was there, I did wish more people knew what was going on.”
Emilio gently squeezed my shoulder. “But you got out, my love. And now, you live in Juniper, and you’re getting your back blown out, regularly, by a Class One who pays all your bills and,” he made a sweeping motion with both hands, “buys all your clothes. You’re wearing a designer maxi dress that I’m sure he made somebody bring back just for you from a supply run.”
I tugged on the dress’s straps, suddenly self-conscious about all of my Dez-appointed concessions.
“I was lucky, Emilio.”
“Or it was fate. Divine intervention.”
“So the people who didn’t get out, they deserved to die? They were destined to suffer?”
“No, but?—”
“Emilio,Ialmost died.”
His expression momentarily went sullen.
“I almost died,” I repeated, voice lower. “My kidneys started shutting down because of strep.Something I could have knocked out with a round of antibiotics, but they weren’t available to me. The only reason I’m standing here right now is because that same Class One walked across the entire complex, in the middle of the night, physically picked me up out of my bed, and carried me to Woodhaven, illegally, where their doctor treated me—again, illegally. To save my life, someone had to love methatmuch. He knew the consequences, and he didn’t care because he wasn’t about to let me die.”
I knew Dez loved me, and I believed it with every fiber of my being. Yet, the depth of his actions didn’t resonate until just then.
Emilio took one of my hands and lightly passed his thumb over my knuckles. “Look, I’m sorry, all right? I’m truly sorry that happened to you, and I’m glad you survived. But have you met the new world we live in? Death is right outside. Why go messing with the status quo? This is a good life, Larke. It might not be a great one, but it’s better than the alternative.”
“So we should stand on shoulders? You’re okay with that? What about graves? You’d be okay with that, too?”
“Humanity is dead, Larke!” He snatched the papers from my hand and tossed them to the ground. “I lost people—friends, family. People I loved before I could say the word ‘love.’ Then, before I had a chance to processthatshit, everything started shutting down, and I ran out of food. I didn’t know what was going to happen to me. I told myself my best option was to kill myself before I starved to death, and then, I got a knock on my door. I ended up here, where I eat regular meals and sleep on a soft mattress.”
“But why can’t there be both?” I asked. “Why can’t it be that you get to have those things, and they do as well?”
“Don’t you think that’s what I want? But I don’t want to risk losing what I have to get it.”
Which would always be the problem.
It was why the hierarchical system worked so well; it was built on the concept of “bread and circuses.” People only needed to be fed and entertained to be prodded into giving up their actual freedoms.
It was Roman satire 101.
