Page 90 of Savagely Yours
But this failure stung more than most.
Rather than tell the women in Sanitation that there would be light at the end of the tunnel, I would have to face that I might have made things worse. I should have been content with switching schedules and manipulating rations in quiet ways that probably would have never stirred any sort of investigation. In short, I’d killed them the same way some sadistic bastard had killed my sister—by first gaining their trust.
Dez appeared at my side, wearing only the black T-shirt and matching pants from his uniform. The tie was missing from his hair, and he made no move to touch me, though I could tell he wanted to.
So, I slid my fingers between his.
He squeezed my hand, but he didn’t pull or try to drag me along. Instead, he let me lead, matching my pace, until we arrived at the decommissioned tunnels on the outer edge of the property.
“Do you trust me?” he asked.
I held his gaze. “With everything in me.”
“Thank you, sweetheart.”
“You’re welcome, Dez.”
We entered the tunnels.
Despite knowing the path better than I did, he continued to let me lead, using our joined hands to indicate which direction we should head. We walked until we came to an arched alcove off the beaten path. In it, he’d created a romantic setup that consisted of a blanket strewn on the ground, flickering candles, a small covered hamper, a couple of pillows, and a bottle of wine.
“Did you know?” I asked, scanning the setup. “Did you know that today would’ve been a complete failure? Was it obvious that I would have fucked up this bad? What if they retaliate against Sanitation? How could I not consider th?—”
His lips touched mine.
I soaked up the sensation for a few seconds before pulling away. I didn’t deserve his kiss. I barely felt like I deserved him anymore.
“Give them to me,” he said, brushing his thumb down over the hill of my cheek. “Let me have them. I can handle it.”
“Dez, I’m not gonna cry.”
“Because God forbid you cry when you’re hurting.”
I shot him a look. “What’s crying going to solve?”
“Why does it have to solve anything?”
“No, what I mean is,” I squeezed my eyes shut, popped them open again, “what’s the purpose? Crying won’t change anything right now. Now’s not the time for me to feel sorry for myself. I fucked up. I need to own that.”
“Tapley, this could just be a time for you to feel, and there’s nothing wrong with that.” He angled his head, studying my face. “You won’t give me your tears, but you’ll stab me with your gaze. It’s like…do you even love me?”
I rolled my eyes and took a seat on the blanket.
He took a seat next to me.
For a moment, we sat staring at one another. When I didn’t give him what he was looking for, he reached into the hamper and pulled out a honey-glazed bread roll. For whatever reason, seeing the roll made tears sting the whites of my eyes, but I took a series of deep breaths to push them back.
He broke the bread in half.
Knowing who Dez was and his track record of putting my needs above his, I grabbed the smaller portion. At the end of the day, his body required more calories than mine did.
“Why’d you name your gun Bethany?” I asked.
He leaned back against the wall. “Guess.”
“You named it after your ex.”
“Well,shit.”
