Page 33 of See, Hear, Speak No Evil, Mr. Darcy
Mrs. Bennet did not bother to hide her appreciation. Especially if the gentleman might be able to curb Mr. Collins from speaking. At all would be her preference.
Ignoring Mr. Collins, the gentleman said, “Miss Bennet, I would be pleased if you would introduce me to your family.”
“My lord, may I introduce to your acquaintance my parents, Mr. and Mrs. Thomas Bennet, my sisters, Mary, Catherine, and Lydia,” Jane said, ignoring the sounds emanating from Mr. Collins’s throat. “Mama, Papa, this is the Earl of Matlock, Mr. Darcy’s uncle.”
“A pleasure to meet you. However, this man’s use of my sister’s name in that litany of nonsense he claims to be conversationisof concern to me. My niece, nephew, and son gave me their assessments when I heard he was here. I wish to ascertain his character for myself when I delivered your lovely daughters home,” the earl said, looking to Mr. Bennet. “It seems they were correct.”
“My fair cousin did not include me in her introduction—” Mr. Collins sucked in his lips when the earl held up a hand in his general direction.
“Your attempt to assume Longbourn before the current master is deceased is a gross display of ill manners. Shall I tell my sister you have eschewed the living she granted you without yourself informing her?” The earl glared at the smaller man.
The rapid shaking of Mr. Collins’s head made Mrs. Bennet dizzy.
“N-n-n-” Mr. Collins’s eyes bulged.
Mrs. Bennet saw Elizabeth and Jane look at one another in their confusion.
“Lord Matlock, please pay no mind to my cousin. We do, for he is the sort of family member one finds the most pleasure in ignoring when they speak,” Mr. Bennet said dryly.
Mrs. Bennet was delighted to see that her husband’s wit was not lost on the earl.
“Alas, there is always one in every family. Your pretension confuses me, Mr. Collins, though I suppose it should not. My sister’s parsons have always leant towards the supercilious.”
When Kitty and Lydia burst out in a fit of giggles, Mrs. Bennet shooed them from the room. She and their father had a difficult enough time hiding their amusement at Mr. Collins’s set down. The man had preached manners for nearly a day yet displayed none himself.
“My lord, Lady Catherine is everything…”
Mrs. Bennet found yet more glee as Mr. Collins expressed his affront at how the earl spoke of his benefactress. To be sure, a contortionist would find it difficult to emulate his expressions. Betwixt honoring the man present and his benefactress, Collins might well expire if he further insulted this peer of the realm.
“Given his lack of mental capacity, Mr. Bennet”—the earl spoke over Mr. Collins to silence the man’s unintelligible drivel—“is there any exception in the will for skipping him in the line of succession for incompetence? My discussion with Miss Bennet and Miss Elizabeth on our journey here assures me Miss Mary should have stewardship of the estate at the unfortunate time of your passing until a responsible male relation is located. My niece Anne says she shudders at the thought of any woman under his purview. Then we might have a more enjoyable discussion, as Cambridge men should.”
“I believe I will look forward to just such a time. My brother, Mr. Philips, has a legal understanding of the entail. Although I am not hopeful, I agree that my daughter Mary would make an excellent mistress and steward. She is a sensible girl who has a much greater understanding of what it is to be a landowner than does my cousin,” Mr. Bennet said, ignoring the next barrage of Mr. Collins’s sputtered protests.
“With permission to use your study, I shall attempt to speak with my sister’s current idiot of a parson, who might well soon be defrocked. Anne tells me he has violated the rules of the clergy by sharing confessions of his parishioners with one not ordained,” the earl said.
“That is a relief. He speaks of chastising my Lizzy for encouraging Mr. Darcy to be honest about his intentions with Miss de Bourgh. He promises to cast us out once he is master, even before my husband is buried,” Mrs. Bennet said, her upset given evidence by the quivering of her words, which, though controlled, could not be hidden.
“Be silent, Mrs. Bennet.” Mr. Collins thrust his arms about.
“I assure you, my lord, my Lizzy would not have done so if it were not to ease the burden of her friend, Mr. Darcy,” Mrs. Bennet said, unflinching in the face of Mr. Collins’s anger.
“I assisted my nephew in the disillusionment of Lady Catherine regarding her foolish notion of a betrothal between Anne and Darcy. A wish my younger sister did not hold,” the earl said, glaring at Mr. Collins when it seemed he thought to speak again unbidden.
“I am glad to know both Mr. Darcy and his cousin are to have futures which will be more to their satisfaction, sir.” Mrs. Bennet gave the earl a respectful curtsey.
“If Mr. Collins does inherit, madam? Should he be brutal, do send me word. Your daughters have done my family a great service, and I am glad to provide aid if ever you have need,” Lord Matlock said, eyes narrowed on the smaller man. The earl motioned for Mr. Collins to precede him to Mr. Bennet’s study.
“Lizzy, you have a letter from our aunt,” Mary said, breaking the silence enveloping the room after the gentlemen had departed.
“Let me take off my cloak, then I hope to speak with you a moment, Mother, before I read it,” Elizabeth said, pulling at the tips of her gloves.
The ladies quieted when Lord Matlock’s voice echoed through the house in a demand of what right Mr. Collins claimed to speak for the daughter of an earl before the study door was firmly shut. Elizabeth finished hanging her cloak and pretended to tiptoe into the room.
“The earl does not seem the sort of gentleman who would suffer a fool, and Mr. Collins has exposed himself to be one. I anticipated stimulating, theological conversation when I learned of his vocation. Instead, I have dreaded any moment in his company since his arrival,” Mary said, then went to request tea for the study and another for the drawing room.
“Whatever it was you thought must be dealt with in aid of Miss Darcy was not nearly so pressing as our need of you here. His unceasing complaints about you and Jane’s absence were nearly a child's tantrum, Lizzy,” Lydia complained.
“A gentleman who was trespassing and told to leave Netherfield was shot when he tried to abduct our friend Miss Darcy. She was standing near him when he died and was overcome by both the man’s attempt and his death, as would any of us be,” Elizabeth said, sitting between two of her sisters. “I know you suffered Mr. Collins’s company, but we felt it impossible to deny her request for the comfort of friends.”
