Page 74 of Taming Grumpy Dr. Beast
“I don’t want to be someone’s secret,” she bit out.
I drew in a breath. “That came out wrong.” For once, I had to think of someone else’s feelings, and I was doing a piss-poor job of it. “I don’t want you to be a secret, either.”
She gave my hands a brief squeeze. “Good.”
“I thought you said my position wouldn’t be a problem.” I really wanted to yell, screw the university. We were both adults and could make our own choices, but I held my tongue. This was her decision.
“I wasn’t thinking clearly. This morning I realized it could be a problem. A big one.”
“Then it’s decided. We wait.” It killed me to say the words.
“No, that’s not what I want, either.” She let her forehead rest against my chest. “I just hate lying.”
I drew her in, pulling her flush to my chest with one arm. The crutch I let go of bounced off the hardwood floor. “It’s more of an omission. Let’s take this one step at a time. You’re here for the next month. It’s just us. Why don’t we use this summer to figure things out? Neither of us need to be on campus right now. My classes are online and you check-in with Ward about your progress virtually. We can be discreet.”
“And reevaluate before we even go back to school in the fall?” she asked. “If one of us is not interested in anything long term, we end it.”
“Yes.” Here I was, the guy who didn’t believe in relationships, destined to be alone, and I was considering this. There wasn’t even an internal debate or my usual desire to flee.
I asked Dean once how he knew Ashlyn was the person he wanted to be with for forever. He told me that even when he tried to deny it, his heart always led him back to her, ‘the one.’ While I didn’t know if Lily and I would end up in a long-term relationship, I knew without a doubt that I wanted to see where this was going.
“I can do that,” she finally responded after giving it some thought.
“Good.”
Her eyes searched mine. “Jaxon, I need you to do something for me.”
Was this when the ax was going to fall? We had decided to wait and see where this went. Was she about to put stipulations in place? I hated that my thoughts immediately went there. It was so ingrained in me to expect the worst.
“Mm-hmm,” I responded, working to slow my suspicious brain down.
“Things are going to come up. Heck, I might back away because I’m freaking out like this morning.” She lowered her gaze to focus on her hand that now lay on my chest. “And when that happens, because let’s face it, I’m not used to any of this. I’ll need you to work on not assuming that means you were right. That I’m with you because I want something.”
Her words pierced through the worry and the second-guessing rolling around inside of me. While I knew I wanted to give this a go, Lily was right. At the back of my mind, I kept wondering if I was going to be used.
“The reality is I don’t have a lot of confidence or a lot of experience with dating someone. People are usually too intimidated by me to even want to try, or I push them away.”
This right here proved why she was different. “I’ll work on that. My history has shown me women only want me for what I can give them.”
She tilted her chin up, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Would you feel more secure if I signed something? Like a non-disclosure. Is that what rich people do?”
I grimaced. “Some. I don’t think we need that.”
“Okay, then, what can I do to reassure you?”
“This.” I lightly brushed my lips across hers, unable to hold back for another second. “Just be you. Keep our communication open as a way for us to judge where we stand.”
She nodded. “I’ve tried that in the past and have been told I’m too blunt.”
“You’ve heard my communication style,” I deadpanned. “Do you think that’s a problem for me?”
She giggled. “Probably not. You don’t seem to hold back much either.”
I shrugged.
She took a deep breath. “So we’re doing this?”
“It appears so.” I traced my thumb over her lower lip.
