Page 80 of Bizarre Bonds
Raze’s gruff voice turns gentle. “You haven’t done anything wrong, Peri. You’ve been so patient with us while we were being asses about it.” He shoots his glower specifically toward Hail.
I shake my head. “The thing is, you deserve more than patience. I shouldn’t have treated you like the way you were reacting was a problem.”
I swallow and reach way down to the glimmer of peace I found when I was talking with Sorsha. “When we’ve felt angryor upset or scared or stressed… that isn’t a problem. Maybe it’s caused by a problem, but I shouldn’t be trying to be happy or making all of you happy all the time. That’s not possible… I’m not sure it’d even begood.”
Mirage reaches out to twirl a lock of my hair. “Hard to know what happy is if you don’t have any other colors for contrast.”
“Exactly.”
I set my hand on Raze’s arm, holding his gaze. “It was totally okay for you to feel nervous about getting closer to me and worried that you might hurt me. It makes sense that you have awful feelings about the mistakes you made in the past. That’s part of who you are. I can’t erase that, and I can’t expect you to. You shouldn’t think it’s wrong. We’ll just make sure there are lots of brighter feelings in the mix too.”
Raze’s voice gets rougher. “You definitely bring those.”
I turn to Mirage next, taking in the twist of his smile that matches the splash of apprehension trickling through our connection. “Of course you were hesitant to open up about anything serious when you’ve been through so much pain. And being scared of getting trapped again is part of what keeps you safe. I can respect that just as much as I enjoy all the ways you light up our lives.”
Mirage’s fox ears flick out again, and this time he lets them stay as he strokes the back of his fingers over my cheek. “I don’t bring as much light as you do, Rainbow.”
I beam back at him. “I think you do, just different kinds.”
My attention veers to Jonah, whose stance has become a little awkward. I step toward him and take his hand to twine our fingers together.
When I look up into his eyes, he doesn’t shy from my gaze.
“I shouldn’t have tried to argue with you about how we could be together. You know what feels right to you, and your conviction has gotten us through a lot of troubles already. And Iwon’t try to talk you out of the things you’re insecure about. I’ll tell you how I see it and give my point of view, but I know no one can be sure and steady all the time, no matter how good you are at being that person.”
Jonah’s fingers tighten around mine. “I’m glad I’ll have you to hold on to when my confidence starts to waver.”
“Me too.” I bob up on my toes to kiss his cheek and then let him go so I can face the last of my marked men. The one who’s hurled the harshest emotions at me.
Hail stares back at me, his posture rigid. An ache forms in my chest at the taste of uncertainty that laces his instinctive defiance.
Even after everything I’ve said so far, he isn’t totally sure I won’t reject him. Or some part of him, anyway.
“I see now why you were so upset—so upset that you couldn’t help turning on people,” I say softly. “I should have given you the space to decide whether you could trust me rather than pushing for you to be friendly. Some things you said might have been uncalled for, but there’s nothing wrong with all the anger in you. It just shows how much you care.”
Hail blinks. Then he slips his hand around my elbow and tugs me into a hug, my head tucked under his chin. “I only want to be angryforyou from now on, Cream Puff. Never at you.”
I hug him back, but I don’t let him distract me from the point I’m trying to make. “It’d be all right if you are. Because… sometimes I make people angry.”
I ease back and glance around our circle. These words are the hardest. “Sometimes I get nervous or overeager and say things that bother people. Sometimes I feel hurt or totally frantic. That’s okay too. I’ll never reach a place where I’m always happy. And pushing too hard for it only turns the joy too intense when it comes. What’s important is that I keep working on finding myown balance of all the things I end up feeling—and taking action the best way I can.”
Hail raises an eyebrow. “So where do we go from here?”
I spread my hands. “I don’t know. I guess we just keep figuring it out as we go. I only wanted you all to know that I see everything that makes each of youyou. I want all of it. Sometimes I might get sad or frustrated, but I’ll still be here for you. None of it is wrong.”
I pause, and the rightness of the emotion swelling inside me spills onto my tongue. “I love all of you, for everything you are, with everything I am.”
That love pours out of me, and a matching affection flows out of my men to meet it. Warm and comforting, savory with a hint of sweetness, like the perfect cream soup.
My hair lights up with a pink sheen. The marks on all four of my men’s chests glow brighter too, strong enough to seep through their shirts.
But it’s not the searing white shine from when I first marked them. No, now it’s the vibrant bluish-green of my turquoise hair, halfway between darkness and light.
All the joy we’ve found with each other and all the pain, melded together the way our essence seems to be.
The men glance down at themselves with a start, but awe and delight mixes with their surprise. Hail grazes his fingers over the spot and then looks at me.
My own mark has lit up with the same hue. The connection, the bond, twines between all of us. Joining us together as a team.
