Page 96 of Christmas at Black Cherry Retreat
Chapter Forty-Five
All day Tom sensed Fee’s disquiet but something about the way she held herself apart warned him not to ask questions.
‘Does four o’clock still suit you to leave?’ he asked, resting his hands on the pile of paperwork he was dealing with.
‘Yes. I’m going to get changed.’ Fee hesitated. ‘Don’t we need a present or something?’
‘We’llpick up some flowers and a stuffed animal on the way.’
A faint hint of a smile lightened her serious expression. ‘Is that the standard offering?’ He yearned to urge her not to overthink it all but instead nodded and let it go. ‘I won’t be long.’ Fee dashed off to the bedroom.
No woman likes a dishonest man. Tell her where you stand and how you feel. After that it’s up to her.
His grandmother’s advice ran around his head, beating on his useless brain and ordering him to grab the bull by the horns and sort this out right now. Tom pushed the chair back and headed down the hall to his bedroom.
Fee turned around from fixing her hair in the mirror.
‘Sit with me.’ Tom dropped onto the bed. ‘I won’t bite.’ With a caution he hadn’t seen since their earliestdays together she joined him, perching on the opposite corner and not quite meeting his gaze. ‘Correct me if I’m barking up the wrong tree but you’re frettin’ about goin’ to see the baby aren’t you?’ She shrugged but didn’t answer. ‘You think I’m gonna be bowled over by the sight of little Billy and start pressuring you to have kids when we get married. Did I nail it?’
‘I suppose,’ shemurmured, staring down at her lap.
‘Yeah, I love kids. Always have done. I practically raised the twins and hoped to have a whole brood of my own with Gina. But life happened and everything changed. I never thought I’d give my heart away again until you appeared.’ He risked touching Fee’s arm and she finally looked right at him, her sky-blue eyes swimming with tears. ‘I’m so damn lucky.We’re lucky. End of story.’
‘But it’s not, is it?’ Her anguished voice tore him up and Fee pressed her hand against his racing heart. ‘In here you’ll always resent me for depriving you of a family and I wouldn’t be able to bear it.’
Tom’s frustration ripped through him and he wanted to scream – not at her but his own ineptness at putting his feelings into words. ‘Depriving me ofa family? I’ve got a million of them if you hadn’t noticed. Family is one thing I’m definitely not short of.’
‘I’m selfish, Tom. I grew up selfish in order to survive my mother’s haphazard parenting. In my job I’ve documented so much pain over the years – parents who’ve lost children or watched them suffer – often in horrific circumstances. I can’t open myself up to that,’ she whispered.
‘But what about the joy?’ he challenged. ‘I’ve seen amazing pictures you’ve taken of newborn babies and toddlers taking their first steps. What about your prize-winning one of the Afghan father reunited with the son he’d thought was killed in a terrorist attack?’ If he couldn’t get through to her this way he’d no clue what to say next. ‘Pain comes along with joy and love. It’s how the worldworks. Swings and roundabouts, honey. Life’s short and you gotta take the good with the bad.’ The clichés rolled out one after another but by the way her face softened he guessed they might be hitting the bull’s eye. ‘Sure I’ll cry when I hold little Billy because of the wonder of him. Doesn’t matter if he’s the ugliest kid ever. And yeah, I’ll think his parents are lucky. But does it mean Ilove you any less? Course it doesn’t.’ He brushed a strand of hair away from her face and kissed her.
With a hitching sob Fee seized Tom, gripping his shirtsleeves and kissing him right back. ‘I lost perspective today.’ She laughed through her tears. ‘Idiotic thing for a photographer to say but it’s true.’
‘I did the same over Gina. I forgot to appreciate the good stuff and there’salways been plenty.’ He stroked his hand down over her hair and a trickle of desire stirred in her core. ‘We’re a good pair.’
‘We certainly are. Nothing’s written in stone. Remember women are notorious for changing their minds.’ Before she could take back the words that’d popped out before she had time to consider them Tom drew her to him.
‘Shush. That’s enough for now,’ Tom whispered.
This special man had already broken down so many of her barriers the possibility that he’d crumble the one she’d thought would never fall wasn’t out of the question now.
‘Good. Let’s get ready to go.’
Seeing the whole family gathered around Rayna’s hospital bed awed her because from this fortunate child’s first breath he was clearly loved. All the designer baby clothes,expensive toys and fancy cribs were worthless in comparison. Of course little Billy wasn’t ugly. Naturally he had inherited his gorgeous brown eyes from his mother’s side of the family and his adorable tufts of thick, black hair came courtesy of his besotted new father. Tom had already shed more than a couple of tears and it surprised Fee how moved she was by the classic, heart-tugging sight of herbig, loving man cradling the tiny baby.
She kept waiting for someone to make the obvious comment that it would be their turn next but no one put their foot in it making her wonder if Tom had warned his family off. Fee tried to stifle a yawn but Sarah caught her with her mouth gaping open.
‘Thomas Michael, you need to take that poor girl home. She’s worn out.’
‘Yes, Mama.’He gave a sly wink behind his mother’s back. ‘Come on, sleepyhead. Y’all should leave Rayna to get some rest. It’s the last she’ll manage for eighteen years.’ His joke earned him a swat around the head from his father.
Before Fee knew it they were settled on Tom’s porch and snuggled together in a warm blanket to keep out the chill November air.
‘Do you fancy a Christmas wedding?’Tom mused. ‘We might have snow on the ground if we’re lucky. Think twinkling fairy lights, lots of candles and green stuff.’
‘Green stuff?’ Eloquence wasn’t Tom’s way but his heart was in the right place. ‘I think it’d be perfect.’
‘What about your folks?
