Page 29 of The Bride
“Was something supposed to happen?”
She put her face in her hands. “Yes, I was supposed to have sex. There, I said it. I didn’t want to be a virgin anymore and I really liked Riley. So I told him we should go to the hunting cabin, and I had beer and condoms, and we could do it. And he said no. He said I was married and that it would be adultery and it was against his fucking religion! He said he liked me but he could never do that with me ever while I was still married. Which is so ridiculous. He can kiss me and make out with me even though I’m married, but not have sex with me?”
I didn’t catch much beyond beer and condoms. And it was so horribly sexist. I had sex when I was seventeen with Dinah. There had been beer and condoms. But the thought of Ellie in the hunting cabin…
I took a breath. Raised my eyes to heaven, asking Sam for inspiration, and then sat on the bed next to her and tried to get a grip on my feelings.
“Okay, let’s break down what you said. You didn’t want to be a virgin anymore. Why?”
“Because everyone has done it except me.”
“And that’s the reason to have sex with someone?”
“Oh please, don’t give me theif everyone jumps off a bridge am I going to jump off a bridgespeech. Yes, everyone is having this huge life experience and I wanted to try it too. I mean, it’s supposed to feel good and be fun. As long as it’s safe and no one gets hurt or pregnant, what’s the big deal?”
“Wow. You are a virgin.”
“Uh, hello. What I’m telling you.”
“Ellie, yes sex can be fun and feel good, but man, it’s way more than that. Especially the first time. That first time there has to be huge amounts of trust. Have you ever gotten naked with a guy?”
“No.”
“It’s scary. The first time. For the guy and the girl both, it’s like oh shit… we’re both naked and you can see and touch everything.”
That made her huff out a laugh.
“And the other part. When a woman lets a guy inside her body for the first time, obviously I’m not a woman and I can’t imagine how that feels, but for me it’s like this huge gift from the woman. Like she opened herself up completely to me and my body. Every time it happens I think wow, she is the bravest person for letting me do this. For trusting me with this. Then all that goes out the window because it does feel pretty good.”
She leaned against me as if all the adrenaline had left her. Which let’s face it, the adrenaline must have been pumping through her all day if she thought this was how the night was going to end. Because no one went into that first time without a lot of nerves.
Dinah and I had both been trembling. Before, during and after.
“I thought it was going to be the best night ever.”
“I can’t say I’m sorry it didn’t go as planned. But trust me, Ellie, it’s the person who you’re with that will tell you when it’s the right time to have sex. Not a day on a calendar, but a man who you can trust implicitly with something so important.”
She lifted her head off my shoulder and looked at me. “You were surprisingly good at that. That was a legit sex talk.”
I was. Because I cared about her and I was honest.
“Go wash your face before you fall asleep. You’ve got gunk everywhere.”
I got off the bed and made my way to the door.
“Thanks again for the birthday gift, Jake. And thanks for being cool about tonight.”
“No problem.”
I shut the door behind me and thought that went about as well as it could have, and then I didn’t think of it again. Because Ellie having sex in the hunting cabin… holy shit.
Right now it was my job to protect her. For better or worse, richer for poorer, for the next three hundred and sixty five days.
That was it.
Eight
Ellie
