Page 17 of The Wife
I closed my eyes and struggled for patience. “Please.”
Finally, she relented. She sat, nearly a foot away, crossed her arms over her chest and didn’t look at me.
“Look, I’m sorry about what I said that night. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. And I shouldn’t have been…”
“Mean,” she reminded me.
“Mean. I was taken aback. It took me a few minutes to wrap my head around what you were trying to do, which is something I’ve been tryingnotto do for months.”
I could see the flare of victory in her eyes when she faced me. “You’re admitting it then. Physically, you are attracted to me.”
I nodded.
“Then what the hell, Jake?” She sounded so exasperated I nearly smiled. If this wasn’t so damn serious I might have.
“Ellie, just because I am doesn’t mean I want to be.”
Victory turned to confusion.
“I don’t understand. We live together. We hang out together. We feel like a real couple. Didn’t you have fun on graduation night?”
“I did. I had fun.”
It was the truth. Being around Ellie was as much fun as I had ever had being with anyone else. Partly because I knew her so well. Because she knew me so well. We had all this shorthand for speaking that it made being around her so easy.
“Then I don’t get it. We like each other. We have fun together. We’re attracted to each other, but I’m not supposed to want anything else or think about anything else?”
“Look, I know all of this is super confusing. Because everything you said is true. But you have to believe me when I tell you if we add sex to that mix, it’s going to be even harder. Because this has to end, Ellie. You and me.”
Her face fell a little at that. “Oh.”
“Yeah. Oh. We went into this as an arrangement. A temporary one. We didn’treallyget married. Can you say now you want to spend the rest of your life with me? Only me and that’s it, even though you’ve never had sex with another guy, never seriously dated anyone else?”
She was thoughtful for a moment and I thought that was a good sign. She was actually listening to me.
“You didn’t want to marry me,” she said. “You didn’t plan to spend your life with me either.”
“No,” I said quietly. Truthfully. “I didn’t. I wanted to help you. I succeeded.Wesucceeded. Circumstances changed, and I’m trying my best to continue on. But if I take your virginity, if we start sleeping together… then it’s like we’ll have this weird marriage in which neither one of us had a choice. Then if one or the other wants to walk away…”
“Ugh! Why do you have to make sex seem so complicated? You banged some chick in Missoula and it wasn’t a big deal.”
Shari? Sherry? Something like that.
“I don’t even remember her name. Yes, sex can be simple and uncomplicated. It wouldn’t be that way between us, because we care about each other. I think you know that. The other night was… intense.”
Her eyes narrowed.
“You think I’m being really immature about this.”
“I hate to remind you, but you are in fact a virgin. I’m not saying you’re a kid, but your sexual experience is nonexistent. You have to take my word about this.”
“And you’re really okay with me losing my virginity to someone else?”
No. No, I wasn’t. “I’m a guy, Ellie. Cut me some slack with that question.”
“Fine.”
“We good?”
