Page 19 of The Wife
“Nope. Nothing different.” Then I said it. The dreaded line everybody who has ever been in this situation really hates to say, but sort of has to say. “We’re just friends.”
“Cool,” he said as if he liked my answer. “I wasn’t trying to pry or anything. Curious is all.”
“Sure. I understand. Jake and I are weird.”
He smiled. “A little bit. Anyway, see you around.”
“Yep.”
I finished my shopping and as I was checking out I thought about what Bobby said. Or didn’t say about what he thought was going on between Jake and me on graduation night. Or as I liked to refer to it, the most embarrassing moment of my life.
Granted I was only eighteen, but it ranked.
Then I thought about why Bobby cared. Jake thought he had a thing for me. Maybe that was his subtle way of asking if I still considered myself single even though I was married.
I don’t know what I thought I was. Not that it mattered. My head was so mixed up about my feelings for Jake it was impossible to think about anyone else. Definitely not Bobby. Sure we were cool, on speaking terms, but I knew too much about what he was like with girls. He could have grown up some, but I just wasn’t interested in him that way.
Because he wasn’t Jake. Which was crushing. I couldn’t be with Jake, because Jake didn’t want me, even though he did. But I couldn’t think about other guys because they didn’t compare.
I was going to be a virgin forever. Worse, I still wasn’t getting the whole masturbating thing right. I had tried so many times since our kiss, because that kiss, once he’d kissed me back, had been super hot. Every time I thought about it I got aroused, but I just couldn’t get myself over the finish line.
You might think running a cattle ranch and keeping my hands off my best friend, who only now wasn’t, would be enough for any adult woman to handle.
But oh no, I was determined to have an orgasm.
Very determined. Because if this was it for me—if I was going to spend my life pining after a guy I couldn’t have—it was only fair that came with as many self-induced orgasms as a woman could handle.
* * *
Jake
Iletthe hot water hit my back and leaned my head forward on the cool tile. I had done some heavy lifting today, moving hay bales around the barn, and I felt it. I let the water do its thing and let my mind wander.
Except when I did that, it usually only ever wandered to one place.
Ellie.
We were off. I knew that. I had confused her and she wasn’t really sure where she stood with me. I don’t know if it was fair or not, but it’s how things stood. Eventually, she would get over it.
Eventually, I would too. I had to believe I wasn’t going to spend the next three years on the edge of desire only to never fulfill it. At some point the wanting had to fade away.
Then I thought of the kiss. This was usually the part where I forced it out of my mind. Where I refused to dwell. But I was alone, in my shower, and my body needed… something.
All I had to do was remember how it felt to have her in my arms. I remembered grabbing her ass in that dress. That fucking simple but sexy dress. All her hair falling down around her back.
Helpless to stop myself, I wrapped my hand around my now-hard cock. Stroking myself hard while I thought about her.
I told myself I could replace with her with some actress. Scarlett Johansson. Charlize Theron. Blondes. I liked blondes and Ellie had honey brown hair.
Ellie’s hair. All down her back, her ass in my hand, her tongue in my mouth. It had been so fucking hot. Just a kiss, too.
I pumped myself faster. I needed this done. I need to come so I could stop thinking about her. Stop thinking about her like this. My balls got tight and I started snapping my hips as if I was actually fucking her. Then the punch came, the one that felt like it started in my lower back and ran down through my balls as my come shot out of me. So damn good.
This time I put both hands on the tile and rested my head again while I caught my breath. While I let myself feel my body. How good and sated it was. The guilt would come eventually. That I had done that, thinking about her. Wondering how it would feel if it was her hand.
Her mouth.
Her pussy.
