Page 23 of The Wife
“I’m just saying it’s okay to admit you thought she was attractive.”
“Ellie, what’s this about?”
Right. Another excellent strategy. Make this about me. I’m thick. I’m stupid. I didn’t see what I clearly saw.
I stood then and faced him. “Can we not do that thing?”
He sighed. “What thing?”
“The thing where we lie to each other.”
“I’m not…” He stopped himself. “She was cute.”
Cute. The word felt like this little pinprick. It hurt, but it wasn’t so bad.
What I didn’t know was that pinprick was going to turn into a gutting. But that would come later.
The key to this moment was understanding guy speak.
If he’d said she was hot, well, hot meant a girl was hot, but you didn’t particularly think you had a shot with her. There weren’t many girls Jake didn’t have a shot with, but still.
Hotcould also mean she was blatantly sexual. Sometimes with blatant sexuality, men liked to look at it but it didn’t necessarily mean they wanted to hit that. For some the blatant sexuality was actually a turnoff to guys who preferred their women a little more demure.
Jake didn’t say Carol was hot.
If Jake had said she was attractive…he would have never said that.Attractivewas too clinical of a word for him. Andbeautifulwas too over the top.
(See, this is me not remembering the time he once casually referred to me as beautiful.)
No, Jake said Carol was cute.
Cuteto Jake meant he thought she was hot and that he had a shot. That she wasn’t just some sex object, but rather someone worth getting to know. To see if his attraction for her was something he wanted to pursue.
Carolwascute.
At least he hadn’t lied to me.
“I totally agree.”
“Can we stop talking about this?”
“You bet.” I walked back to the couch and grabbed the remote. I tossed it to him and smiled when it landed on his lap hard when he wasn’t expecting it. “I changed my mind. I think I’m going to head up early. I’m really tired.”
“I thought you wanted to watch this show on Netflix.”
“You go ahead, I’ll catch up. Night Jake.”
“Night Ellie.”
* * *
Iwas rubbingdown Petunia in the barn when I heard them. Sure enough, two days later Carol had made good on her promise to return, and Jake offered to take her out for a ride around the property.
They both, of course, asked me to come.
Because I was the cool marriage of convenience wife, I said no.
I had to, right? I had to let him have this. He’d said we couldn’t be a thing. He’d said it would hurt too much later when it all ended. Which meant I was free to pursue other relationships, so he was too.
