Page 25 of The Wife
He was rambling, and I didn’t get much, but what I did get was that he thought taking Carol out was not only a great idea for him. But for me too. That I should fully support him because it was going to make things easier between us.
That’s how he was justifying this.
He used the wordsnap. It was a good word. To snap something was to break something. That was exactly how I felt.
Broken.
In a way it was like when he’d rejected me. That had hurt too, but this went deeper. This wasn’t him rejecting me to spare me what he thought would be pain later on down the road. This was him moving on from me. Moving on from us.
No, that wasn’t fair either. There had never really been an us. There had just been a me wanting him and him not wanting to want me back.
Now he wanted Carol instead. Somebody should have explained to me how much this could hurt.
I nodded. “Good point. You’re right. This probably a really good idea. For us.”
His expression was nearly desperate.
“You see that, don’t you?”
“Sure, Jake. I’m good. You can let go.”
He dropped his hand as if he hadn’t realized he had it wrapped around my arm the whole time.
“I’m still going to go take a shower. Long day today. Leave everything by the sink and I’ll do the dishes later.”
“I can do the dishes…”
“No,” I snapped. Because that was him feeling guilty and I wouldn’t have it. I wouldn’t have his guilt or his pity. “It’s my turn to do the dishes and I’ll do them. I just want a damn shower first. Is that too much to ask?”
“No,” he said.
“Fine. Good.” I started to leave the kitchen, but I stopped myself as something occurred to me. “The rules are the same, Jake.”
“What do you—”
“The rules,” I said. “She doesn’t get to stay the night in this house. I don’t want to… wake up in the morning and run into her.”
His expression tightened. “Jesus, Ellie, as if I would…”
“Just promise me.”
The muscle in his jaw flexed. “I promise.”
Seven
Jake
October
It was freeing. Being with Carol was like being released from a cage I hadn’t known I had locked myself into. This was what it was like to have simple feelings. This was what it was like to act on them.
It had been so damn long I had forgotten.
She had come out to the farm again for another ride. I asked her if she wanted to get lunch in town. She said yes. So easy. Like riding a bike.
We were having lunch at Frank’s, not in the booth where I usually sat with Ellie, but another one along a different wall. Kathy may or may not have given me an odd look when she turned the corner and realized I wasn’t here with Ellie.
Another positive thing about Carol. She was the statement Ellie had wanted to make to everyone. She was the signal that said to all the citizens of Riverbend that our marriage was still platonic and in name only.
