Page 31 of The Wife
“Sex?”
“I don’t want to go there. I’m only saying if you’re worried about things changing around here because of her, you don’t have to be.”
“Got it. Are we done now?”
This wasn’t working. “Can’t you talk to me about this?”
She sighed then, and it sounded sad and it broke my heart. Then she shook her head. She had her hair pulled back in a ponytail, like she usually did when she worked outside, and I could hear it swish against the coat she was wearing.
“Trust me, Jake. There is nothing to talk about. There is nothing that will fix this. It is what it is. I’m dealing the best way I can. What more do you want from me?”
That was when it hit me.
I wanted my Ellie back. I wanted my friend back. I wanted my partner on the ranch. My buddy who I watched TV with, my family who I ate dinner with. I wanted the girl who smiled so wide it made you feel good when you saw it.
I wanted the scales to change.
“I miss you,” I said.
It was honest. It was how I felt. That was supposed to be a good thing. I was a man. Men didn’t normally share their feelings so openly like that. I figured by putting myself out there, by showing her how important our relationship was to me, she might understand.
The look of horror on her face suggested something else.
“Fuck. You. Have on fun on your date with Carol tonight. Asshole.”
She turned and headed out the back door before I could get another word out.
That hadn’t gone like I hoped.
* * *
“Do you like my dress? I wore it especially for you.”
I looked at Carol’s dress. It was a nice dress. Black and sexy.
“Very nice,” I said with a smile. At least I think I was smiling. I know what I wasn’t doing. I wasn’t focusing on Carol very much, and that wasn’t fair. I was still reeling from the full-blown loathing I had gotten from Ellie that morning and trying to understand it.
Sure, Iunderstoodit. I wasn’t stupid. She thought… she had feelings for me. Feelings that I shot down. FOR HER OWN DAMN GOOD. Now I was trying to show her we both had to move on if we were going to get back to any kind of equilibrium, and it was hurting her.
Okay. It sucked. I remember being a sophomore in high school and crushing hard on Alice Samberg. I had done everything I could to show her I liked her and then I’d found out she had started dating Joey Eastman, who was a junior. It had totally blown.
I was not oblivious to the feeling of rejection. But Ellie had to understand something too. She hadn’t been rejected. I did care for her. I did want her. I simply could not have her. To protect her. To protect her future. My future, too.
She needed to get over this Carol… “Bullshit.”
“I’m sorry?” Carol asked.
“Huh?”
“You said bullshit. Are you saying you don’t like my dress?” Carol was smiling as if she knew that couldn’t possibly be true. What man wouldn’t be into a woman looking she did in that dress?
So different from what Ellie had worn when we’d been here back in June. (That’s right. I took Carol to the same restaurant I took Ellie. It’s fucking Montana. My choices are limited. Get over it.)
“Of course not,” I said. “You look amazing.”
“I hope I’m the reason you don’t seem to have an appetite tonight.”
I looked down at my steak. Barely half-eaten. It was something to do, so I picked up my knife and fork and cut into it.
