Page 55 of The Wife
“It’s the drug,” I said tightly.
It’s what MDMA did. Increased pleasure and feelings of emotional warmth.
She was stroking my arm that was over her stomach, and I thought maybe this wasn’t the best idea.
“I don’t care. It feels so good.” She did this full-on body wave and it felt too damn good to me too. So good I squeezed her a little, telling her, I hoped, she needed to stop.
“Jake…”
“Try to sleep.” The sooner she fell asleep, the sooner I could get back to the floor.
“I can’t. I’m too awake.”
That was the drug too. I was going to have to suck it up. For her.
“Please,” she said.
“What?”
“I’ve… I’ve never… I mean I’ve tried, but I’ve never…”
“What?”
“Had an orgasm.”
I closed my eyes and tried to think of anything else except what Ellie would look like coming. It didn’t work. I remembered that night I saw her, heard her. I remembered that last groan of frustration.
“I can’t stop thinking that if Bobby did that to me, that would be my first experience. Then what if I could never do it again? I would never get to have an orgasm. Ever.”
“Shh, shh,” I said, trying hush her. It was the drug. It was still in her system. She was feeling the effect of it, but it didn’t make hearing what she was saying any easier. In fact it was makingita hell of a lot harder.
“I feel like I could now. With you. If you were touching me. I know we can’t have sex, but maybe you could do that for me. Just that.”
That was it. I needed to get up and get out of the bed now. Go back to my room and let her suffer the effects of the drug on her own. Except I could hear the desperation in her voice.
“Please, Jake.”
Fuck.
I tried not to think about how right or wrong this was, but in the end I thought if I could make her feel good, if I could give her her first orgasm, that might be what she remembered most about this night.
I just needed to stay in control. This was just about her and getting her off. It had been a while, but I was pretty sure I remembered how to do that.
I slid my hand that had been around her waist down her stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to be as removed as I could be. I felt the soft hair of her pussy and pressed my fingers against her. Immediately, she pressed back as if she was seeking them out. I dipped further and I could feel that she was already slick. Her neck arched and her body pressed against me. Then she was spreading her thighs, lifting one over mine.
It was the trust that killed me. After what had happened to her, she still trusted me implicitly to do this for her and take nothing else.
I dipped my hand lower and she gasped. I started with gentle strokes just to open her up, and that had her thrashing a bit. I pushed my other arm under her neck and wrapped it over her breasts to hold her more firmly against me, even as I started to slip my middle finger inside of her.
“Jake,” she cried. “Please. More. I can feel it. It feels so good.”
I pushed my hips away from her. I didn’t want her to know how hard I was. Between her arousal, the adrenaline, and the violence that were still pulsing through me, it was impossible to not be fully erect.
Instead I just concentrated on her, and what she liked by the sounds she made. She was so slick and tight, but she was moving her hips in rhythm with my thrusts, pushing my finger deeper inside her.
I pulled away.
“Nooo!” she wailed and brought her hand down over mine. Pressing it against her.
