Page 39 of The Wife
Financially, we had a decent year, this year. Obviously significantly down from the year before, but given the losses we suffered we did the best we could. Would the bank possibly look at me differently now with nearly a year of ranching under my belt?
It was worth a shot.
I would start looking into things tomorrow.
I made sure the ringer on my phone was on and crawled into bed. I tried very hard not to remember what my dad used this cabin for, instead I focused on ideas on how to fix the problem that was my life.
Because no matter what I had to do, no matter how I needed to make it happen, I needed to give Jake his freedom back.
So that he wouldn’t hate me anymore.
“God,” I prayed. “Please don’t let him really hate me. He’s the only person I have left.”
* * *
Iopenedthe door to Howard’s office in town and Sue Ann looked up and gave me a big smile.
“Ellie. Good to see you.”
“You too. I don’t suppose there is any chance Howard has a few minutes for me?”
“You are in luck. His next appointment just canceled. If you give me a second I’ll let him know you’re here.”
“Great,” I said as she got up and walked down the short hall to Howard’s office.
I didn’t feel great. In fact I felt a little sick. This was the first step.
The first step away from Jake. It was like everything in my body was screamingdon’t do this.
Carol was a fling. He’d said it himself. She wasn’t planning on sticking around. Maybe someday, in the future Jake would grow to love me and then everything would be fine.
That shit happened all the time in romance novels. Couple had to get married for convenience… and then bang! Next thing you know, they were making babies.
Only that was fiction and this was real life, and I couldn’t screw Jake over in case he never did come to love me. Even if Carol wasn’tthe one, I didn’t want to stand around and watch him fall in love with someone else.
It was bad enough I had to see him…
Don’t think about it. Don’t think about it.
“Ellie! What a surprise.”
I smiled. It had been a while since I had seen Howard. Just a few times over the summer when Jake and I ran into him at the diner.
I walked up and kissed his cheek. I’m not sure why. I wasn’t a cheek kisser in general, but suddenly it felt really really good to see him. He’d been the orchestrator behind the wedding, and I knew he was the one who could get me out.
Even though I didn’t really want out. I wasn’t doing this for me, though. This was for Jake. The sacrifice I could make for him this time.
He smiled but he tilted his head, and I could tell he was assessing me.
I couldn’t have looked good. A solid few hours of crying yesterday and barely any sleep last night. I imagined I looked pretty gross.
Dad’s cabin didn’t have mirrors, so I didn’t have to confront myself this morning.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes, but I have a problem and I was hoping you could help.”
He nodded. “Okay. Follow me.”
