Page 2 of The Baby
I looked over at the counter, where my phone was ticking down on the timer. The white plastic pee stick sitting there waiting to define my life. Of course I had to drive to Jefferson again. No chance that I could casually pick up one of those bad boys in town without everyone knowing what Jake and I weredoing.
Weretrying.
It was the same person behind the counter as last time. I’m pretty sure he didn’t recognize me from three years ago. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was abadomen.
My phone dinged and I practically fell off the seat. My heart was pounding as I stood and picked up thestick.
Positive.
Pregnant.
PREGNANT.
HOLY SHITPREGNANT!
There it was. I sat back down on the lid and tried to take deep, calming breaths. Then I thought about what totellJake.
All I knew was that this time had to be different. Last time, it was like I was giving him the worst news ever. He understood. He knew it was because I was afraid he was going to want to get married… again, which he did, without me knowing if he really loved me. Because back then he hadn’t been able tosayit.
Now I knew he really loved me. That fear wascompletelygone.
It was just the other fear. The fear that maybe there was something wrong with me. Maybe I could get pregnant, but I couldn’t carry a baby full term. That because… in those few moments of wondering if I should undo the last pregnancy… I had cursed myselfforever.
Which was ridiculous of course. It’s not like I actually believed incurses.
Much.
I didn’t have to tell him right now. I had time to come up with a plan. Maybe a nice dinner. Something different and special. With that in mind I put the test back in the cardboard box, then I put it in the trash and took the bag out of the small pail and tieditoff.
I ran downstairs, even though I knew I was in the house alone, and stuffed the small bag of trash in the main kitchen trash and covered it with a bunch of towels. Now it was mysecret.
I looked over at my scales. Jake and I had had yet another fight about the goats last night, so I had willfully moved the disks to seven on theright.
Jake’s mission in life was to keep me at a nine and above on the scale of one to ten of happiness. But when he threatened to murder Gary the Goat, that was obviously not going to make mehappy.
I couldn’t move them to ten now. He would know something was up. I would wait. Until we both knew that we were going to haveababy.
I tried not to be afraid. I really reallytried.
* * *
It wasmorning and time to see about the business of running a cattle ranch. As my dad always said, a ranch can’t runitself.
I was heading to the barn when I saw Cody head in the same direction from the bunkhouse.
I lifted my hand in greeting. “HeyCody.”
“Bosslady,” he said withanod.
That’s what he called me. That or ma’am. Every time. “You know you can call me Ellie.” Which is what I said to him everytimeback.
“Yes,ma’am.”
I shook my head. “Where’syourdad?”
Cody was Rich’s only child. Jake and I hadn’t known Rich even had a kid until last year when Codyshowedup.
Rich wasn’t much of a talker. It had been easy to see on his weathered face when we had hired him that he’d had a harder life than some. He never talked about an ex-wife or kids. Then one day Cody showed up at the ranch, and Rich was asking if he could work alongside him. Suddenly there was this whole life Rich had that Jake and I had no clueabout.
