Page 22 of The Baby
“I trusted my mother and she left. My father, and he drank himself to death. You don’t think I sit and worry every day what kind of parent I’m going to be? Because I do, but I also know I’m going to be better than they were. I’m going to be smarter. There is no risk I wouldn’t take. None. Not with my kid. Andyou,of all people in this world, you should haveknownthat.”
I nodded. He was right. I should have. What was wrongwithme?
I covered my face with my hands while this sick feeling of shame washed over me. This wasn’t Jake’s fault. He was right. This was all the junk in my head that I couldn’t seem to shake out. What had I beenthinking?
That was it. I hadn’t been thinking. I had only beenfeeling.
Fear. Horrible,horriblefear.
“I’m sorry. I’m sosorry.”
He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I can’t look at you right now. I’m leaving. You have a phone. Don’t use it unless it’s anemergency.”
I heard his heavy boot steps through the living room. Heard the sound of the front doorslammingshut.
I stood there and shook for a few minutes, not really knowing what to do, what thismeant.
I turned around and saw the scales sitting there happily on the counter. It was like theymockedme.
You thought you were happy, they said.You thought you hadeverything.
But I didn’t trust him. Not really. Not deep down where I should have. Now I had ruinedeverything.
With an angry swipe of my hands I shoved at them until they tipped and the disk scattered, and then I did the only thing I could do. I sank to the kitchen floor andsobbed.
* * *
Jake
After driving around for hours,I finally drove out to the cabin. I would have preferred to ride, but it was dark and I wasn’t doing anything to put Wyatt at risk. I was pissed, I was hurt, I was furious with the person I loved most in the this world, which was a really sucky feeling—but I wasn’t stupid enough to ride my horse after dark where I couldn’t see a step in frontofme.
I pulled the truck up and cut the engine. A night out here alone might help clear my head. Think through what she did and why shedidit.
If I could get past the pain of it. If I couldforgiveher.
I got out of the truck and headed to the cabin. Completely lost in my thoughts, it took a second to register that when I opened the door there was someone already in the bed, jumping up as if preparing for afight.
“Whatthefuck!”
It took a second to see the shape of the man sitting up in the bed, but I recognized the voiceimmediately.
“Cody?”
“Jake?”
“Yeah. What the hell are you doing out here?” Iaskedhim.
“Uh…oh. Well, while the weather has been okay I’ve been spending my nights here in the cabin. You know, have a little privacy. That kind ofthing.”
I tried to process that. The cabin was private sure, but it could also be damn cold. “Things alright between youandRich?”
“Yeah. Sure. Two grown men living in the same quarters. Bumping up against each other. You know how it is. Every once in a while I like my own space. Figured this cabin was empty, but if it’s aproblem…”
“No,” I told him. “We don’t use it much. That’s fine.” Of course saying that, it didn’t really give me a good reason forbeinghere.
“Things okay withEllie?”
No. Things were not okay with Ellie. Because Ellie was scared about the baby and scared about us dying, so she did this horrible thing BEHIND MY BACK. Howcouldshe?
