Page 6 of The Baby
I told myself a lot ofthings.
You know what I didn’t do… I didn’ttellJake.
Now it had been over a week, I was freaking out about having sex because I didn’t want to disturb anything down there… and Jake was starting to think I didn’t want himanymore.
Which wasn’t trueatall.
A little known fact about me… well, a fact only Jake knew… I liked sex. A LOT. I liked sex with Jake. A LOT. Since he was the only person I had ever had sex with, and was going to be the only person I ever would have sex with, I considered myself a very luckyperson.
I wanted him. I wanted the holding and the touching. The kissing. I didn’t feel like I couldkiss him, kiss him since that might make him think I wanted to start other things. So I hadn’t kissed him in a week and he was obviously worried about that. Suddenly there was this wall between us, which was my truth and his concern that I wasn’t attracted to him anymore, and itsucked.
I missed the feeling of him inside me. I missed that harsh sound he always made when he cameinsideme.
Dr. Jenkins said there was absolutely no reason to curtail sex as long as I wasn’tspotting.
I understood my fears weren’t logical. What kind offearis?
I needed to tell him. I needed to let him know I was pregnant and I was afraid. Then he would understand everything, and the wall between us would go away. Except then I would have to tell him I couldn’t have sex with him for ninemonths.
Yeah, that was probably going to detract from the whole good news about the babything.
Regardless, he needed to know. I couldn’t have other people knowing and him not knowing. That wasn’t right. I thought about heading home and finding him and doing it right away. No special dinner or candles or anything stupid. Just ripping the Band-Aidoff.
Wait, that wasn’t right. I shouldn’t think telling my husband, who I loved, that he was about to become a father as something painful. Okay, so maybe I would go the cute route. Like buy a bag of diapers and leave it on the kitchen table for himtofind.
Except scratch that. I couldn’t buy diapers at Nash’s grocery store, just like I couldn’t buy a pregnancy test. Mr. Nash would think I was pregnant then, and that would mean four people knew about the baby beforeJakedid.
No, I needed to keep this news from the town for as long as humanly possible. The last time, after it happened, I could see people looking at me with that pitiful expression in their faces. Like I used to see from them right after mydaddied.
It was a reminder of the miscarriage every time someone gave methe look. Forget the fact I hated the idea I was someone to be pitied. No, if I had it my way the people of Riverbend would not know I was pregnant until the baby popped out and was squawking up astorm.
I glanced down at my stomach. Still flat underneath my work jeans. No reason for anyone to knowanything.
Except ofcourseJake.
Yes, it was time getonthat.
* * *
Jake
Ellie was sittingat the kitchen table when I came into house. I don’t know why, but I always considered this a bad sign. It was because most of our important moments always seemed to happen in thekitchen.
When she tried to kiss me that first time, and I pushed her away. When she found me with Carol. When she told me she wasdivorcingme.
When she told me she was pregnant but I could see she wasn’t happyaboutit.
The worst moment of my life. When she told me she wasleavingme.
All of that went down in thekitchen.
Now there she was again. I had come in through the back door, nearly tripped over her boots and was about to get on her about it, when I stopped. Because Ellie was sitting at the kitchen table as if she was waitingforme.
My gut dropped. This was it. She was finally going to tell me why she had been putting me off in bed for the last week. A hundred awful thoughts rattled through my brain. Had she stopped loving me? Was there someone else… Cody! Could something have happenedbetweenthem?
I remarried Ellie on her twentieth birthday. My biggest fear back then was that she’d been so young. That there had been no one elsebeforeme.
But I loved her and she said she loved me, and I thought that wasenough.
