Page 57 of The Bodyguard
“Why?” It wasn’t a conversation that would lead anywhere good.
“Because I’ve been sitting here all night kicking myself for being a cocky asshole with you today. Whatever experiences you had turned you off from sex, which means they couldn’t have been good ones. I shouldn’t have said those things. About being curious about what you’re missing. Do you trust me?”
“Do you trustme?” I asked before I could think better of it. “Never mind. I know you don’t.”
“Brin…”
I shrugged. “Can you turn the light off?”
Garrett leaned over and did as I’d asked, plunging the living room back into darkness. It felt better this way. Less embarrassing.
“He was just some guy I met at a club,” I started. “He asked for my number and called me the next day. He took me out to this really fancy restaurant and made a big deal of ordering all this really expensive food.”
“None of which you ate.”
“Not much of it, no. Then he drove me back to his place. When he pulled up to the sidewalk out front of his apartment building it dawned on me that he expected sex. It wasn’t like he even asked, he just assumed…”
“Brin,” Garrett whispered.
I didn’t want his sympathy, though. “It was my decision. I knew that. I figured I was twenty, I might as well just do it. But it was more… I don’t know…overwhelming than I thought it would be. He immediately put his mouth down there on me. I mean likeDOWN THERE. And that freaked me out. Then he made me do it to him, and the whole time, I was, like, I don’t want to do this, but I did it anyway. Then he said…” I closed my eyes because it was really horrible to remember. “‘I hope you fuck better than you give head.’”
“Prick.”
“Yeah. He was. He did it fast, and it burned and hurt, and when he was done he called an Uber for me and said he would see me around. I cried the whole way home. Then, a year later, I was drunk at some party and this guy was hitting on me and I thought I would try it again. It still hurt, and I thought then that it was all overrated. It’s like when people tell you they love kale. That kale is this super food and so good for you and it’s delicious, too. It’s not. It’s kale. There is nothing delicious about kale!”
Garrett laughed. And then he squeezed my arm and brought me into him closer. “Are you ready?”
“Ready for what?”
He stood and reached out his hand to me. “Come on, Brin. I’m going to take you to bed and give you an orgasm. We won’t have sex. This isn’t about that. But I need to show you how good it can be.”
I looked up at him feeling all the reasons in the world why I didn’t think this was a good idea. But it was like I needed to know. I needed to feel what Garrett could do to me.
“Okay.”
He took me to his room. “What about Romeo?” I asked, feeling nervous and uncertain. “I won’t hear him if he cries.”
Garrett immediately changed direction and took me back to my room—or, I should say, his old room. I was going to mess around in Garrett’s bed. It was like I was acting out every teenage fantasy I had ever had.
Once we were in the room he pulled down the covers that were messed up from where I had spent hours tossing and turning.
“Do you want to be naked or do you want to leave the nightie on?”
“Nightie on!”
He laughed again. “Okay.”
It was stupid. I knew I had a body that attracted men, but I don’t know that I had ever lost the fat-girl insecurities I’d carried around with me for so long. He moved over and then tugged me down on the bed until were on our sides facing each other.
“Did you like it when I kissed you?” he whispered, and I could feel the warmth of his breath on my lips.
“Yes,” I whispered back. I didn’t know why were whispering but I liked it. The feeling of intimacy. Like we were two teenagers trying not to get caught by his parents who were just down the hall.
“Then that’s all we’re going to do for a while.”
Then I didn’t have to think at all. He was kissing me and thrusting this tongue into my mouth until instinctively I pushed against his body, seeking more. The hair on his chest, the strength of his arms as he wrapped them around me.
After what felt like an hour of kissing, which was unrealistic but it was longer than I had ever been kissed, I could feel his hands sliding up my nightgown in the back, then back down as his fingers dipped inside my panties until he was cupping my ass in his palms.
