Page 35 of Elijah's Hope
“Because of everything you’ve done for me, and who you are, and…and…”
“And?” I pushed for the answer.
She smiled shyly. “I kinda like your dick?”
I huffed out a laugh. “I don’t need sex as some kind of reward, Shelby. I’ve told you that. And sadly, I don’t think whether we do or do not have sex is going to make any difference come next week. The only thing we can do is not think about it. Let’s just enjoy the day together like we planned, and tomorrow will take care of itself.”
“Okay. More fishing?”
“If that’s what you want to do.”
She nodded against my chest so I took that as a yes.
I understood where her head was. This thing was happening almost too fast. I couldn’t stay out in front of the feelings I had. I couldn’t stop thinking about having her. Those few minutes in her mouth, because I couldn’t hold back, had been heaven. Which meant her pussy was going to be even better.
Except for the first time in my life I knew the sex was going to mean something more than sex. That it was going to mean intimacy and emotions. Me being inside her, her underneath me. Our first time was going to be important. That’s what she was afraid of. Why she was trying to put it off.
But the inevitable was the inevitable. Shelby was going to be mine…for as long as I could have her.
I just needed to convince her there was no going back for either of us.
* * *
Eli
“What’s it like here in the winter?” she asked me.
We had pulled up our poles and were now just lying back as we meandered along the river in the outboard motor boat I had rented. The guide at the rental place had shown us on the map what he said was one of the best fishing holes in Alaska.
We’d caught a few each and released them, then decided that cuddling up against each other looking up at a big blue perfect sky served us just as well, too.
“It’s fucking cold.”
“It’s fucking cold now,” she chirped. She was in the warm coat I’d bought her, her hiking boots. It was about fifty-seven degrees today but being on the water made it feel colder.
“This is nothing like the winter. It’s dark most hours of the day, and even when the sun is up, it’s usually overcast. Some of the guys at the camp have these lamps they just sit and stare at. It’s to fight off depression. Apparently the lack of sun can do that to a person.”
She turned to look at me. “Do you get depressed?”
I shook my head. “No, it doesn’t bother me. I think…I think…because I spent a lot of time with my mom at the club where she worked at night. I was used to working in the dark, studying in the dark. Sometimes I would take a basketball with me, there was a park a few blocks down from the club. Even got used to playing in the dark.”
“Sounds lonely.”
It wasn’t something I thought about much. Just the way I had lived.
“I didn’t really have a lot of friends. I didn’t want people to know what my mom did. And I told you I hated it when they pitied me. Easier to keep my distance from everyone. I did my schoolwork, kept my head down. By the time I got to the Army I had the same mentality. That time was all about working toward a goal. Total independence. I have to say the guys here—Ark, Jackson and Caleb—they’ve been my first true friends in a long time.”
“That makes me happy. That you have real friends here.”
Was that because she knew I wouldn’t be alone after she was gone? It would bother me if she was already thinking about leaving.
“Eve must be okay with winters here. Gert, too,” Shelby said. “I mean, it’s not like there aren’t people in Alaska.”
Wait. Was she trying to convince herself she might be able to stay? Which in some ways thrilled me, but a soft Southern woman like her? I didn’t see how it was possible. I didn’t want to tell her that though.
“I think it’s something you have to experience before you figure out if you’re the type of person who can survive it. We’ve had plenty of guys from Dyson who transferred out here because they knew the money was good who couldn’t hack it. Alaska isn’t like the Lower 48. It takes a certain strength to make a life here.”
“I’m not surprised you have that strength. You might be the strongest man I know Eli Jones.”
