Page 35 of Jackson's Redemption
He just grunted. It was strange, because this one I couldn’t easily translate.
“Let’s get you to bed,” he said. “It’s too cold to stay out here long.”
I groaned in protest. It was so lovely out here, under the night sky, wrapped in Jackson’s arms. I didn’t want to go back to the stuffy cabin. But it wasn’t as if I could ask him to hold me all night.
As he carried me like I weighed nothing, I rested my head on his shoulder. “What’s the deal with Mountain Man, anyway?”
“No deal. He’s got a place somewhere out there. Lives off the land for the most part. Looked like he was hunting when he came upon us. He’s deaf, or at least I think he is. He uses sign to communicate but I only know a few of the symbols. Hell, I don’t know what was funnier, him realizing you were below, naked on the rocks, or you shrieking your lungs out. His face turned beet red and he bolted.”
“I’m happy you were amused,” I said in a tone that meant I wasn’t. Although secretly I was. I could easily handle a little embarrassment to make Jackson laugh like that again. “Jackson, when did you lose it? Your laughter? Was it in prison?”
“Nah. Not prison. Was never much of a goofy kid. Things were always serious growing up. My family wasn’t…easy. There wasn’t a lot to laugh about.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“Nothing for you to be sorry for.”
He bent and opened the cabin door. Then just as gently as he picked me up, he placed me on the bed. I scooted over to make room for him. The bed was a tight fit for him alone. With me in it, we were jammed together, but I hadn’t had any problem sleeping that way. I didn’t think he did, either.
He lost his jeans and got into bed. I curled around him.
I thought about what he said. About what he wanted from me.
I was afraid he wanted me to love him. Because that’s what I felt from him. A certain sense of hope. Only I knew it was something I wasn’t ready to give him.
Still, it made me afraid because I think for him, I would want to try.
* * *
Sentencing Day
Fifteen years ago
Jackson
“It’s simple, Jack,” my lawyer told me. “The judge will ask you a few questions to confirm you’re acting on your own free will and are of sound mind. He’ll provide the sentence and the court officials will take you down to processing. After that, you’ve got about an hour trip to Perryville.”
I heard all of this, but none of it was really processing. All I could hold in my brain was the reality that I was going to be a convicted felon. Maybe I should have been more worried about prison, but I wasn’t.
I knew the stories, knew all about the threat of rape. But I also knew I had been fighting my brother my whole life and I had never lost. I never lost because I didn’t play by any rules. Ever. I wouldn’t inside, either, if it came to that. I had spent the last three months since this happened physically getting stronger, getting bigger. My six-three frame was finally starting to fill out. I wasn’t someone anyone wanted to mess with.
No, I wasn’t worried about however long I would be locked in cage. I was worried about who—or what—was going to come out when they opened the cage and let me free. What kind of person I would be then. What kind of life I would make for myself.
I looked over my shoulder at the filled courtroom. Cops and witnesses and people here for other hearings chatted amongst themselves. Oblivious about what was about to go down for me and the impact on my life.
A miscarriage of justice. A crime that our legal system perpetrated against me.
In some ways, that loss of faith in my country, in our legal system, was the sting that dug the deepest.
I told my mom not to come. I didn’t want to hear her crying behind me. I needed to be focused. I needed to be strong.
I’ll never know why I turned around again to look at those behind me. Maybe it was some instinct that eyes were on the back of my neck. When I twisted around, I saw him standing in the back of the courtroom.
Chief Lazio. With a big, fucking smile on his face.I could kill him, I thought. Hop over the short wall separating me from the galley and launch myself at him. Smash his head against the wall or the floor over and over until his brains leaked out.
I could do that right now.
Except then the door to the courtroom opened and I saw Kate step inside. I hadn’t seen her in months. Not since the day she’d hurt her ankle. She was still stunningly beautiful. Just as out of reach then as she was now. Maybe even further.
