Page 65 of Jackson's Redemption
That was a suitable solution for me. His body was big and hot and in seconds, I was warm. I wrapped my legs around him and lifted my hips so that my pussy was already stroking his hard dick.
He groaned and shifted his hips so that he was pressing into me where I needed him. The head of his cock pushing and pushing against my clit. I could come like this without him even inside me.
I could come in seconds because it seemed like my body was built to be in tune with his.
“Jackson, God, I want you so much.”
He bent his head and took my stiff nipple in between his teeth, worrying it in way that hurt and felt so damn good I thought I was going to lose my mind. He released it with popping sound and before he could move to my other breast, I lifted myself to kiss his mouth.
I wanted that connection with him again. I wanted our tongues and our bodies merged together in way that would make it difficult to know where he stopped and I started.
But he pulled himself out of my reach. He ducked his head and kissed my shoulder, my neck. It wasn’t enough. I wanted more. I pulled on his hair to force him to meet my eyes.
“I want you to kiss me. I’m not a damn prostitute.”
His eyes closed. When they opened again, they were bleak. “Please don’t ask me.”
“Why?” I said, feeling tears come from some place inside me that was still always sad.
“It makes me want too much. Makes me want to believe you’re mine and you’re not.”
I saw it then. The pain. I tried to tell myself me being here was taking it away from him and not adding to it. I told myself that because it made me feel less guilty. Less selfish for using him to take away my pain. I let him go and turned my head to the side feeling the tears drip down the side of my face.
“Fine.”
He rolled off me and I heard his feet hitting the floor. I also heard him curse softly. It was a minute before I could look over at him. When I did, I saw him pulling his shirt over his head. His jeans were already pulled up over his hips.
“You’re leaving.”
“Yes.”
He walked over to a chair in the corner of the room. I had a blanket draped over it because it was where I liked to read at night when I couldn’t sleep. He tossed it to me, and I was grateful not just for the warmth but for not being naked when he wasn’t.
Slowly, almost cautiously, he sat in that chair. His elbows on his thighs, his hands locked together as if to show me he had no plans to touch me any further.
“You need to leave, Kate.”
“This is my house,” I said, lifting my chin deliberately pretending not to understand him.
“You need to leave Nome. You need to leave the state.”
“You’re saying Alaska’s not big enough for the both us? Because Alaska is a pretty fucking big state, Jack.”
I saw him wince at the name. Another wound I inflicted. He didn’t like to be called Jack. I understood why now. Jack was his past. I knew it and I did it anyway. I didn’t know when I’d become such a bitch, but I had with him. Like I could claw out all my rage on him and he would take it and take it.
Always. Forever.
Only maybe not.
He shook his head. “You’re running, Kate. Still. I get it. But I can’t let you…use me. I thought I could. I thought I would have control over it. I don’t.”
“Ugh! Why does it have to be so black and white? Why can’t we just have fun? Fun, have you heard of that, Jackson? It’s this thing where we have sex and make jokes and eat pasta and watch football games together. Where we camp out and eat hot dogs and take icy cold baths in the woods.”
He said nothing. Just continued to stare at me forcing me to acknowledge what I refused to because I was a selfish bitch, apparently.
“I like it up here,” I snapped. “Don’t come to Nome if it’s a problem for you.”
“Can’t do that. Won’t be able stay away. I’ll come back every two weeks and fuck you until you’re blind with orgasms and every time I do, it will cut me. Eventually, I’ll bleed out. You came, which made me have hope. Only you don’t know why you did. So that means you don’t trust what we have.”
