Page 67 of Jackson's Redemption
I sipped my whiskey. I didn’t give two fucks about Zeke and his tunnels. And I sure as hell didn’t want to think about one of his cabins. The one where I’d been happy with Kate. Instead of miserable without Kate.
Eli lifted his finger to Bud to indicate he wanted a beer. There was a peaceful moment of silence before Eli started in on me.
“When were you going to tell me your girl is back in town?”
I looked at him.
“Doogie,” he explained. “Ran into him on my way here. Mentioned he saw her in a cop’s uniform in Nome. He was happy to see she’d made a full recovery given the shape she was in the last time he saw her. Said he was surprised you called him to come pick you up as soon as you did, too. Thought you might have something going on with her.”
There was nothing to say so I took another drink and felt the burn of it all the way down my throat.
“Could have sworn, based on the look on your face when I asked you about heading to Nome, that you had something going on, too. Didn’t know what it was, though. But knowing she came back for you after what happened...”
He let the sentence trail off as if he thought I might offer some more explanation. I didn’t. I got why he was confused.
Eli was the only one whom I had told the truth about Kate. About our past and her father. Why she ran from me that day. I told him the story, told him I never wanted to talk about it again and because he’d recently experienced what I was going through, he let it drop.
Except now he knew she was in Nome.
Only not for long. She was absolutely under no obligation to leave like I’d asked. Still, I thought she would go. I’d been as honest as a person could be. Had shown her what she was doing to me by being so close yet too far away at the same time. I knew what kind of person she was. She wouldn’t want to keep hurting me. She would recognize that it was unfair.
“Jackson, look, I get it. Nobody gets it better than me. When Shelby left, I thought I was never going to get over it. Figured I would be a miserable sonofabitch for the rest of my life. And I liked having that feeling. I didn’t want to make any decisions. I didn’t want to exercise any options. I wanted to brood and get drunk because I was hurt. Crushed. And it was all her fault. She was the enemy.”
“Your point?”
“Obviously, Shelby wasn’t really the enemy. It’s easier to be angry than it is to act. Easier to sit here and drink than it is to talk to her. But at the end of the day, if you love her, and I know you do, you’re not going to have a choice but to go after her. Spare yourself the hangovers I had. Do it now.”
I shook my head. “It’s not the same. She doesn’t love me.”
At that, Eli burst out laughing.
“What’s so fucking funny?”
“She’s in Nome, Jackson. You know how fucking hard it is to live in Nome? Almost as hard as it is to live in Hope’s Point. She’s not there for any reason other than you, my brother.”
“She’s running away from her life. Not the same thing as running toward someone. I can’t be her comfort blanket.”
“Why not?”
I blinked. “Because that’s fucked up. It’s one sided and…and…I don’t like it.” Which seemed like a really lame reason when I said it out loud.
He laughed again. “Oh. I forgot. Because it means you’re vulnerable and you haven’t been that since you were eighteen and in prison. From what you told me she lost her father. Not just his life, but every memory she ever had of him is tainted. She lost her job, her friends. Her faith in everything. I don’t know. Sounds like she could use a blanket to me.”
I glared at him and he held his hands up in surrender.
“Whatever, bro. You’ll eventually figure it out.”
The door opened. I could see Eli look over his shoulder to see who it was.
“Uh-oh,” he muttered. “Brace yourself.”
I glanced over my shoulder to see Cal walking up to the bar next to us.
“Cal,” Eli greeted him.
“I’m not talking to you,” Cal returned. “You forget that? Bud, I need a drink!”
“Come on, Cal,” Eli insisted. “Eventually, you have to get over it.”
