Page 51 of Noah's Reckoning
I took the pill off the counter and considered all the things I had been thinking about for the past few days. Every pro, every con. All the emotional stuff mixed in with all the practical things, too. In the end it came down to one thing. If I was pregnant with Noah’s baby, I wasn’t going to do something that would put an end to that.
I put the pill down and slid it toward Noah.
“I can’t.”
“Liv—”
“No, I know this sucks for you. And in some ways, it makes me such a hypocrite because I’m constantly talking about how I want to be considered your equal. In this, though, we’re not equal. This is my body, my choice, and I don’t know what’s going to happen. But I’m not taking a pill that could force itnotto happen.”
His jaw tightened. “Liv, what happened in that cabin was my responsibility.”
“It wasourresponsibility,” I corrected him. “Are you going to put the batter on the griddle? If not, I can do that.”
I got up and walked around him. Keeping my hands busy by spooning out perfectly round circles on the buttered griddle. My heart was racing, afraid of what came next. How he would feel about my decision. I knew it was emotional. I knew it might even seem irrational to him.
I also knew how relieved I felt. For the first time since he’d brought up the subject.
In your gut, you know this is the right call for you.
And it was. Which helped to brace me for any argument he might make.
“You’re not thinking about what this means. You’re not considering you might actually be pregnant, that there could be a baby as a result of this decision.”
There, he was dead wrong. I’d had nothing but days to think about what this might mean.
“Seattle,” I told him.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
I flinched at the anger in his tone, but I wouldn’t be intimidated. I turned to face him.
“I would head home to Seattle. My parents would be thrilled to be part of my child’s life. They are both retired and would be amazing caregivers while I work. I have a bunch of contacts in that area, so finding a job wouldn’t be difficult. You and I both know the pay for working up here is significant. So I have a nice savings that, if added to properly, over the years could amount to a solid college fund.”
I watched him process what I was saying but, in the end, he was speechless.
“You think I haven’t thought about this?” I asked him. “You think I would make a decision like this lightly? You think I would alter the course of my life…for the fuck of it?”
It wasn’t fair, but I could feel myself getting angry. Like this should have been something he would know about me, but he didn’t.
“No,” he fired back. “I don’t think you would take something like this lightly that’s why I don’t understand why you’re doing it. Or not doing it Did you want to be pregnant? That one time when you asked me to finish inside you, was that what you wanted to happen?”
I shook my head. “No. This wasn’t some kind of plan or trap. I’d never really thought about children. Not in any serious way. Then I had unprotected sex and the second that happened, I started thinking about the consequences. Onlyconsequencesfelt like the wrong word to use. Like it was this negative thing. When inside I thought…if I was pregnant, it would be a blessing. A tiny miracle. Which is why I can’t end it with a pill.”
“And what the fuck am I supposed to do?”
I turned my back to him and flipped the pancakes. My hands were trembling, so I took a deep breath to steady myself. That calmness that I’d felt all weekend long was gone in the face of his anger. Still, I knew it was the right decision.
“You don’t have to do anything,” I said. “I told you this is my choice.”
“Yourchoice? That’s my kid!”
I moved the pancakes off the griddle and turned off the heat. Then I walked the plate to the island and sat again.
“If you wanted to be part of the child’s life, I wouldn’t stop you,” I said hopefully reasonably. “I’m only saying you wouldn’t have any obligation. If I am pregnant, which is a bigifby the way, then we could draw up legal documents laying out your rights and absolving you of any financial responsibility.”
“Legal documents? Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
He was standing in the middle of the kitchen, hands on his hips, outrage written all over his face. I had to move around him to get to the cabinet for the syrup.
