Page 69 of Caleb's Salvation
The only sign he acknowledged what I said was to grab the wooden handrail.
“Who are you?” he finally asked.
Who was I? Not her boyfriend, not her lover anymore. “A friend. I was in the area and I thought you should know.”
“Why?”
“Because I was a father once. And if my little girl was out there in the world without me, I would want to know she’s safe.”
I could see his face tighten up. Like he wanted to say something nasty, something horrible about Vivienne.
“Don’t,” I said with my hand up. “Don’t say anything about her I don’t want to hear.”
“She’s a fornicator!” he spat over my protest.
I thought of her on my desk, naked, her arms behind her, taking my cock joyfully. That act had nothing to do with fornication and everything to do with giving, caring and love.
“Sam’s ten months old, got some teeth and light blond hair. Doesn’t fuss much at all for a kid his age and eats Cheerios like the world was made of them. She’s thriving. I think it’s because she loves him so much it fuels everything inside of her. She lives in a good place with good people who care about her. I just wanted you to know that.”
I turned my back to him, expecting either silence or more slurs.
Instead, I heard the catch of his breath then another. And I knew he was sobbing as quietly as he could.
No, she couldn’t come back here, but I knew, in that moment, he loved her. As much as an unforgiving man like him could.
Is that why I’d come? To see if it was even possible for her to go home?
I got into the car and started the engine. I made a U-turn then got on the narrow road that would take me to the highway. I couldn’t say for sure why I’d come. I only knew I was done here. I’d seen what I needed to see.
Now, it was time to figure out what the future held. Some new place. Some new job. Something away from people so I wouldn’t see a woman walking along a sidewalk with a baby on her hip and be reminded of everything I’d lost.
Only as soon as I had that thought, I realized I wasn’t thinking about Sarah and Emily as the family I’d lost.
It was Vivienne and Sam who were missing. The ones who were causing me pain.
I pulled the car over to the side of the empty road and let the pain rip through me. This heartsick agony that sucked all the air from my lungs. I pressed the button to roll down the window and tried to suck in some much-needed air. Dry, warm air that did nothing to ease the pressure of what I was feeling.
This I remembered. This was the pain that haunted me for months, years after their funerals. This was the ache I’d just accepted was part of my life until it dulled enough that I’d managed to hold onto my sanity.
This was grief. This was loss. My two closest companions for so long. It was a reunion I never wanted to have.
Opening the car door, I pushed myself out. I had to escape them. I paced around the car struggling for deep breaths, wondering what I’d done in this life to have to suffer like this again.
Was this my punishment? For dropping my guard, for letting Vivienne inside? For being unfaithful to Sarah and breaking my promises.
I braced my hands on the hood of the car and looked up at the expansive blue, cloudless sky searching for some kind of answer.
You’re doing this to yourself.
I stilled then, letting that truth wind its way through my consciousness.
No, that wasn’t right.Iwas the victim.Iwas the one suffering.
I was the one who had lost everything!
You were the one who walked away.
Because that’s when it occurred to me. On the side of the road, on some empty highway in the Panhandle of Texas. All the grief and loss I was feeling as if it were seven years ago and I’d just buried Sarah and Emily.
