Page 25 of Mostly My Girlfriend
“Yes,” he barked. Moving away from the window to sit in the empty chair next to me. “Fine, I’ll admit it. I didn’t want you to get married. I didn’t want someone to be more important in your life than me. And since we’ve established I was willing to give you a child, I didn’t see any reason for you to go down that path. Especially when you knew—”
He stopped himself, but the time for avoidance had passed. All cards on the table. That’s what we’d agreed to. That’s why I’d come back to this office.
“Knew what? Honesty, Ethan, remember?” I pressed him.
“Knew you would be leaving me alone. You think we weren’t equals because I knew you wanted to fuck me. Well newsflash, we were never equals because you knew I always needed you more than you needed me! And I have proof of that since, the first time I turned my back, you went out and got engaged!”
I winced. Not because Ethan was upset. After all, that had been the whole point of CJ. At least I could be honest with myself about that now. At the time I’d really thought that, maybe, I could make something with CJ. Build on something that was real and not filled with so much pain, hurt, and swallowed feelings. That night of Daniel’s wedding when Ethan had fucked me changed me, and I’d struggled to get back to normal. Or whatever was normal for us.
CJ had been that for me. A life rope I could use to pull myself out of Ethan’s gravitational force.
Carol pursed her lips. “Interesting. Do we need to talk about why it’s so important for you to be equals this relationship? So important that Ethan sold a multi-million—”
“Billion,” he corrected her. “If we’re being accurate.”
“Stop bragging, Ethan,” I scolded him.
“It’s not bragging when it’s true,” he muttered.
“Anyway, he sold this company just so he would no longer be your employer. That’s a lot to give up.”
“It is… But he’s joking if he thinks that makes us equals. Ethan’s a genius. Have you ever tried to have a relationship with a genius?” I asked Carol.
“Again,relationship!” he said.
“An entirely twisted and fucked-up one…yes!”
“Well, that’s what we’re paying her to fix. Right, Carol?”
Carol smiled. “You’re paying me to listen, but more importantly, I think to help both of you hear each other. Because from everything I’ve observed, open communication seems to be a problem for both of you.”
“She shut down after her father died,” Ethan said. “She’ll never admit that but it’s true.”
“Ethan!” I shouted as if he’d given away a secret he said he would always keep.
“Jules, it’s true. From the moment I met you, it’s been you against the world, you against your family, you against the bank trying take your farm, you against everyone in college except me. You lost your dad and first protector, and somehow, that made you feel like all the battles in the world were for you to take on. It’s why you got so pissed when you found out I paid off the mortgage on the farm. I’d slain one of your dragons for you and you felt cheated out of the victory.”
I hated that he was right. I didn’t think directly about the impact that my dad dying had on me. For me there really was no point in looking at that closely because it didn’t change anything.
“Someone had to fight. I was the only one in my family who was capable. And I got pissed at you because by paying offmydebt, you put me inyours.”
“And we’re back to the power dynamic,” Carol said. “Okay, let’s talk about that incident. Julia, when did you learn Ethan had paid off your family farm?”
I pursed my lips remembering that Christmas.
“You mean the day I learned my family loved Ethan more than they did me?” I asked tartly.
“I’m more fun than Jules and I bring better presents at Christmas,” he said with a smile.
