Page 46 of Mostly My Girlfriend
9
Three monthsago
New York
Julia
“Honey, is there anything we can do? Do you want me to come to New York? I’ve only been on a plane that one time to Boston for your graduation, but I could do it again. To be there for you and Ethan, I would do it again.”
I pressed the phone to my ear and felt a wave of love for my mother so strong it almost stole my breath. And to think sometimes I thought she wasn’t brave, when really, she was the bravest person I knew.
“No, Mom,” I told her as I took in the view from Ethan’s Upper East Side apartment. Such an expansive perspective of the city, and yet here, he’d always felt trapped.
But they’d been working on that. Him and his father. They’d been building something that wasn’t based on the past. I swallowed the tears, thinking about how that was over now.
“It’s okay. The memorial service is tomorrow at the hospital. Then after that…Ethan will probably stay here a few weeks with his mom, but I’ll need to head back to Seattle.”
“Julia, don’t you leave him a minute before he’s ready.”
I flinched at the sternness in my mother’s voice.
“Now is not the time to think about work,” she went on in a tone I hadn’t heard from her since I was twelve and had rolled my eyes at her for the first time. “You need to be there for him. You know how jarring the sudden loss of a parent is. Youknow.For Ethan, who tries to control everything all the time, it will be even more so.”
“I’m not leaving him,” I said quietly. “Not if he needs me.”
“No, Julia. That isn’t good enough. You have to know what he needs. You have to anticipate it. You can’t sit around waiting for him to tell you. That isn’t how this works. This man has been a major part of your life for twelve years—now is the time for you to come through for him. Because now is when he needs you the most.”
I blinked and swallowed again. Suddenly there was this huge weight on my chest, and I struggled to breathe through it. My mom was right. Ethan wasn’t going to know up from down. I knew that. I’d been in this place. I also knew he would struggle to accept any kind of sympathy. In fact, I was pretty sure he was going to reject all of it.
The plan was to keep the memorial service as private as possible, but the world knew, or would soon know, that Ethan Moss’s father had died and many people would want to express their condolences. It would be like eating nails for him.
“I’ll be what he needs, Mom. I promise.”
I could hear her heavy sigh through the phone. “You two would make things much easier on yourselves if you just got married.”
The muscle in my jaw clenched involuntarily.
“You know we’re just friends, Mom.”
“Maybe someday you’ll explain to me why you both keep telling yourselves that.”
I heard the door to the study open behind me. I could see his reflection in the window as Ethan walked in. “I’ve got to go, Mom.”
I ended the call and put the phone down on the desk. His father’s desk.
Turning around I saw Ethan closing the door behind him. “How is your mom?” He was here now only if she’d allowed him to leave her side.
“Sleeping. Finally. I got her to take the pills.”
Rachel had been a mess when we first arrived. Ethan’s uncle, the drummer who used to take Ethan away for summers, had come but he seemed at a loss as to how to deal with his sister-in-law and had quickly left.
It was only when Ethan had arrived that Rachel finally had someone to cling to. The way she held on to him I didn’t think she was ever going to let him go. It was only after Ethan was with her that she could eat something and take in some fluids.
And finally, after a full forty-eight hours, she could sleep.
“She needs it. Especially for tomorrow,” I said. “She looks so fragile. Like a small breeze would knock her over.”
“Was this what it was like for your mother?”
