Page 12 of Don't Hate Me
“I understand that I have to try and swallow it into my throat, but that can’t be anatomically possible.”
In addition to cunnilingus, she’d been studying up on how to give blow jobs.
“Will you stop talking about it? You’re going to get me horny.”
“That’s sort of the point, isn’t it? Still, I want to get this right.”
“There is no right or wrong. You do what you want, and I tell you what feels good. The rest is bullshit. You’re not a freaking porn star.”
“I’ve been practicing with cucumbers…you know, the breathing through my nose thing.”
I closed my eyes and groaned, trying not to imagine her sucking on a cucumber in order to practice for me.
“You shouldn’t have been practicing anything. As far as you were concerned, there was only ever going to be that one night between us.”
“How do you know I wasn’t practicing for the next guy?”
I stopped, and because we were holding hands—we were freaking hold hands—she stopped, too. I glared at her, and she huffed.
“You seriously can’t be jealous of some unknown next guy.”
In fact, I could.
“It’s an all-female finishing school. All we talked about, all the time, was sex. Actually, you come out pretty impressively.”
I raised my eyebrows. “How so?”
“Because everyone knew you gave me an orgasm during my first time. Apparently that doesn’t happen a lot. In fact, the majority of the girls said they faked it most of the time just to get it over with. How crazy is that?”
“You ever fake it with me…” I threatened.
“What? You’ll spank me? Ooh, I’m so not scared.”
She tugged on my hand and we started walking again.
“This is nice,” she said.
“This is weird,” I corrected her. But I didn’t let go of her hand.
“I know. You’re being so nice to me. Do you want to say something awful just to keep things a little more normal?”
No, I didn’t. It felt like this week was going to be a pause out of real time. When we weren’t who we’d always been, or even who we were going to be in the future. A vacation from ourselves. So I wasn’t going to try to put Ash in any place other than on my hard dick.
“I didn’t come down here for this, Ash. I wanted to make sure you were okay. Healthy. Safe. I wanted to tell you it was okay to come home.”
She nudged my shoulder. “You bought the condoms,” she reminded me.
I had. A precaution? A sense of inevitability? Did I really think I was going to see her and not have her? Maybe I’d deluded myself, but I had to be transparent with her about what this meant.
“This is a week, Ash. A few days out of our regular lives. After it’s over, I go back to school, you go back home, and we move on. Separately.”
“No,” she said, pulling her hand away and moving to stand in front of me. Her wispy, blond hair blew around her face, and I was struck by how beautiful she was. Pale skin that was nearly translucent. I thought the sun would be good for her. Would give her more substance.
I’d once told her I’d fucked hotter girls than her, and I had. But there was no one in my life who was more ethereally beautiful than Ash.
Now, her eyes were sparkling with anger.
“I gave you a pass after you took my virginity. We weren’t in a relationship then, and I’m not going to ask if there was anybody else for you while I was in Switzerland.”
