That was weird, too. I always had an agenda.
Locke: For fun?
Me: Yeah, you know. Fun. We’re kids, we’re supposed to be having it all the time.
Locke: Children have fun. Young adults have angst. You obviously haven’t been watching enough Netflix specials.
Me: Have-nots can’t afford Netflix.
Locke: That name is preposterous.
Me: Is it wrong I get a little turned on when you say things like “preposterous?”
Locke: I don’t have time for you, Adler.
Me: And yet, you keep replying to my texts. We can play Never Have I Ever.
Locke: Isn’t that a drinking game?
Me: So get a drink.
Locke: Or you could just ask me whatever it is you want to know, and I can decide whether or not to answer you.
Hmm. What did I want to know about Locke? He wasn’t going to give me anything big, which meant I needed to start small.
Me: Have you ever had a serious girlfriend?
Locke: No. Have you ever had a serious boyfriend?
Me: No. Do you want a girlfriend?
Locke: Absolutely not. Why would I want to spend all my time thinking about whatever that person wants from me? There are so many better uses for my brain power.
Me: You know you mention your brain a lot.
Locke: It’s a very BIG brain. Among other things.
I blinked and re-read his last text. Was that an innuendo? He wasn’t referring to his dick, was he? Was I suddenly wondering about Locke’s dick size?
Locke: And no, I’m not talking about my dick. I’m talking about my ego.
I chuckled. Giggled actually. Gah! I didn’t giggle.
Me: You can talk to me about your dick if you want to. My mom was a prostitute, so there isn’t anything I don’t know about sex.
Shit. Why did I tell him that? I didn’t talk about Mom. Ever. Not with anyone. Not even Janie.
He wasn’t answering. Shit. That was so stupid. I totally went to this dark place and now he was probably thinking I was some kind of nut job. I needed to fix this. I was about to typejustkiddingwhen my phone dinged.
Locke: I think I understand now.
Me: Understand what?
Locke: Your act. You play the role of a sexually aggressive girl. Which of course everyone believes because you’re so beautiful. But you don’t really mean it, do you? Are you afraid of sex?
I dropped the phone on the desk like it was a bug that had bitten me on the hand.
I wasn’tafraidof sex. Because I wouldn’t let myself be afraid of anything.