Page 21 of A Scandal in Homeroom
There was only one thing left. One thing that made a date a date as opposed to two people hanging out as friends.
Did I want that? No. I never did.
Did I want that from Locke? Maybe?
Just because I put it on the list didn’t really mean anything. It was no guarantee of anything. I stared at the back of his head, trying to think and to also read his mind.
Did he think about methat way?
Of course he did. All guys thought about me that way. Because of how I looked, how I dressed, how I flirted.
This would be different.
The whole point of having him take me to the fashion show in the first place was to prove him wrong about what he thought. Because I didn’t like the idea of anybody getting too close. However, if I put this on the list, and it actually happened, I knew it wouldn’t be about anything other than me wanting it to happen.
I tapped my pencil against my lips, then started writing.
If things go well, if we feel connected, you might kiss me.
It didn’t surprise me that my heart started to race, just reading the words I’d written.
Not letting myself think too much about it, I dropped the note over his shoulder again. He waited to open it, and as he did, I focused my attention on the classroom clock. There were only a few minutes left. The bell would ring, and I could escape. Maybe even before he read it.
But no. I heard the paper open. He was reading it. He was reading what I wrote.
I had to force myself to stay seated. To not get up, grab the note out of his hand and run.
That wasn’t an act. That wasn’t a gimmick. That was me, on paper, putting myself out there and it was scary as shit.
So scary, there wasn’t enough money in the world to protect me from this kind of fear.
As soon as the bell rang, I sprinted out of my desk, getting ahead of him and a few others who were slow in getting up, so I was nearly the first person out the door.
* * *
Cafeteria
“You look weird,”Beth announced when I sat down.
“What?”
“You’ve got this weird look on your face. Like you’ve seen a ghost. Have you seen a ghost?”
I rolled my eyes. “Uh, no.”
I could feel Janie’s eyes on me now, too. Assessing me.
“What’s up?” she asked.
“Nothing,” I said sharply. “Nothing is up.”
Janie nodded calmly. It was her way. She didn’t do direct confrontations like Beth. She would wait until the moment was right and then she would ask again.
“Well, I’ll tell you what’s up with me,” she said quietly. “Sinjun asked me if I wanted to go to the fashion show with him.”
I blinked a few times before the news processed.
“What?” Beth shrieked. “When did this happen? I didn’t know you were a thing. Seriously, you and Sinjun? Oh, shit. Does Ed know?”
