Page 58 of Tears of Tungsten
“Why?” I croaked out. “Why would you use me like this?”
“I don’t want to use you,” he replied. “I want to love you.”
“This isn’t love, Jared. I don’t know what it is, but if you’d loved me, you’d have let me go.”
“Maybe you’re right, but I don’t know how to love in any other way. Just give me a chance, Selene. I can make you happy. I know I can.”
He truly thought that and maybe in a different life, it would have been true. I did feel something for him. I wasn’t sure what it was, but it existed.
The problem was that I’d made a promise. Leaving aside my own feelings, I couldn’t go back on that. My people needed me, now more than ever.
Jared wanted me to hide here and pretend the world outside these walls, outside Eos didn’t exist. But it did exist, and other Terrans didn’t receive the luxuries I had when they became sex slaves.
Other Terrans were murdered, mercilessly slaughtered by the very organisms that should have protected them. And even if I still had a connection to the chimeras that had shed so much innocent blood, I couldn’t forget my true purpose, my true goal.
There had been a woman once who’d worn a scarlet letter on her breast and had been spurned for it. There had been a woman who’d looked for a better life in Tartarus Base and had been utterly destroyed for it. There were countless men, women, and children who suffered every day, who died because of The Grand Judiciary. And so, I had to keep fighting.
“I’ll consider your offer, Jared, but I need you to realize one thing. I can’t just throw away my whole life. I still want to speak to my mother. There has to be a way to contact her. And I still want to help the people on Terra.”
I wanted to talk to my lovers too, but Jared would never allow it, so this would have to do. Maybe my mother could help me sort through my turbulent emotions.
“I can do that. I’ll speak with the Great Mother. She’ll surely be able to arrange something.”
I clenched my jaw and nodded. That was more than I’d expected him to promise. Then again, since I’d finally fallen in line with his wishes, maybe he was a little more inclined to indulge me and my ‘foolish’ whims.
“Listen, Selene,” he continued, “I know we started out on the wrong foot here, but I do think we can make things work. I’m never going to ask you to give up on your dream to build a better world for your people. But that’s what I want too—for The Grand Judiciary to pay for their crimes and us Heliads to be able to start anew, without having to worry about a war with the Terrans.”
“Do you really think that’s possible?” I asked. “For peace to be accomplished, just like that?”
“I think war and peace are two sides of the same coin. We’ve been at war for centuries, whether we realized it or not. The time will come for us to take this to its ultimate, unavoidable conclusion.” He cupped my cheek and this time, I didn’t push him away. “But after that, yes. Peace will come.”
It was simple logic, a truth that had been proven by historical fact for millennia. In that respect, I agreed with him. There was just one problem.
“If that happens, Jared… What price will we have to pay for it? How many more people will have to die?”
It was a rhetorical question, but Jared answered me anyway. “As many as it takes. Helios will be there to receive those who deserve it. And those who are consumed by Tartarus will go to their deaths knowing it is for a greater purpose.”
Would they? I wasn’t so sure. Those people in Gaia’s Haven had only wanted to be left alone to raise their families. But that wasn’t about to happen and war was coming, whether I liked it or not. And no matter how I felt about Jared, he’d forced me in a situation where I had no choice but to rely on him.
I pressed my hand to my belly, thinking about the life that was possibly growing inside me now. It was much too soon to accept it. I still wasn’t sure I wanted the same things Jared did. But for the moment, I’d give Jared a chance, at least until I figured out a better solution.
“All right, Jared. Just… Make sure I get to speak to your superior, all right? I don’t think I like the idea of being assaulted by an overly affectionate plant every time I try to leave my room.”
Jared wrapped an arm around my waist and nuzzled my cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll call the Phaeton Heart off. The last thing I want is to make you uncomfortable.”
Somehow, I doubted that very much, but I didn’t say it. I wasn’t in my homeland anymore and here, I was even more helpless than those women living in Tartarus Base.
And the worst thing about it was that I couldn’t with full confidence say I hated it—that I hated Jared. How in Gaia’s name was I supposed to save my world, when I couldn’t even save myself?
