Page 84 of Reverse Pass
I try to reason with myself that we’ve both just come hard from the best sex of my life and neither of us is being sensible in this moment. But something deep inside whispers that it’s more. That the reason my body responds to him the way it does is because he’s more than I’ve ever had before. That I only thought I knew because I had no idea at all.
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t… I just…” I stumble over my words, tongue tied as I try to sort through my emotions. Trying to understand how or why he would have saved that for me. My mind is trying to make sense of it, reasoning he’s young and it’s just a lack of opportunity. But a wiser voice tells me he’s had plenty of chances, was probably downright begged for it in the past.
He kisses me, disrupting my thoughts again, and it’s so incredibly soft. Tender strokes of his lips against mine make my heart feel like it’s going to leak fucking stardust and rainbows, and I can barely stand it when his hands slide up my legs. It feels like I’m barely held together as it is and any more touch from him could have me falling apart. He breaks the kiss then, but his lips hover just above mine, and he must feel the same because his fingers are biting into my flesh like he’s trying to hold on for dear life before he speaks again.
“I love you, Violet. I’ve been in love with you.”
And my heart explodes. It must, because I have to put my hand to my chest to try to hold it in and I can’t breathe. There’s no air. There’s no desk. No room around us. There’s just him in front of me. His breath against my lips as he adds to the devastation he’s already caused and kisses me.
After a moment he pulls away, his eyes drifting over my face.
“You don’t have to say anything right now. I know it’s a lot, but I just, need you to know.”
Then he kisses me the same soft careful way he had before. And it can’t be real. It absolutely must be a dream. Ben Lawton cannot be in love with me. No one, least of all me, gets that lucky.
“Stay with me. We’ll set an alarm or something. But I need you to stay with me tonight,” I whisper, and he kisses me again before he pulls me up into his arms.
“Okay. Shower first, alarm, then bed, yeah?”
I nod and he carries me off with him.
TWENTY-SIX
Ben
It’s the morning,and despite the lack of sleep I’m freshly showered after a quick run this morning, and I feel fucking amazing. I jog down the stairs, desperate for caffeine and starving for one of the pastries I’d seen Vi’s mom put out in the kitchen last night. I hear the distinctive sounds of Nora and Violet talking downstairs and smile at the thought of her from last night, knowing I finally have all of her.
“Is there something going on between you and Ben?” Nora asks, her voice just loud enough to be heard over the sound of the percolating coffee.
I stop in my tracks, my heart slamming to a standstill in my chest. I lean against the wall of the hallway, holding my breath because I don’t want them to hear me. It’s not the way we’d planned to tell them, but at least she had Nora alone to tell her first.
“What?” comes Violet’s half-choked reply.
“You guys are just awfully close. Touchy.” Nora’s voice is laced with suspicion, and I was going to hear about it later from Violet, that she was right, and I was wrong about people figuring us out.
“Touchy? I don’t see how we’re touchy or at least any more than we were as kids. We’ve always joked around.”
“Ben isn’t a kid anymore.”
“Obviously.”
“And I know he always had a thing for you growing up.”
“What?”
“You weren’t that oblivious, were you? He was such a little try hard. Trying to find excuses to bother us at our sleepovers, watch movies with us. Even when he was in high school. You don’t remember any of that?”
“No, I just remember him being a kid.”
“Oh god. It used to irritate me so much. We would fight about it, and mom would tell me to leave him alone, that crushes were normal.”
“Your mom knew?”
“Anyone with eyes knew, Vi. Apparently, youwerethat oblivious.”
They laugh, and I feel my heart falter with embarrassment. At least I’d told her myself first. Slightly less humiliating that way, but only barely.
“Anyway, I just thought that with you and Cameron breaking up and then him moving in with you… I didn’t think about that when I suggested it. I know you’re vulnerable, but he is too with everything he has going on.”
