Page 87 of Reverse Pass
“What?” I stop and turn, trying to understand what that has to do with anything.
“Cameron knows about us. And when he realizes they don’t know…”
I grimace, tucking my hands in my pockets as I shrug my shoulders.
“I wanted to tell the truth. So you can figure it out on your own, Violet.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
Violet
As I watchBen climb back up the stairs toward the house, my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces, and I feel like complete and utter scum. Probably because I am. He has been everything for me, patient, thoughtful, always giving me space. And I have been awful to him. The idea of going into the house like this to face Cameron is about as appealing as lighting myself on fire. Celebrating the holiday with both of them at the table is even worse.
I briefly wonder if it’s possible to just run away into the woods. Although I doubt I’d survive long in what I’m wearing with only half a mug of coffee. I try to retrace how I ended up here. I’m sure Joss would say something about the road to hell and good intentions.
I take a deep breath. Trying to convince myself that somehow someway I’m going to get through this. Probably with everyone hating me at the end. But, given that I’d clearly hurt Ben—a man with one of the kindest hearts I’ve ever met? I probably deserve what’s coming to me. I probably deserve to end up with someone like Cameron. That might have been my mistake in the first place with all of this, thinking I could have things I shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near.
I wait another ten minutes, until my fingers are so cold it hurts to hold the mug and my coffee is gone before I start the trudge up the stairs. Apparently, that was a few minutes too long, because my mother and Cameron emerge at the top of the steps, dressed like they were about to come looking for me.
“There she is!” my mother announces in a voice that’s a little too shrill for this early in the morning. “I’ve got a surprise for you, Violet!”
I smile tightly up at her. My eyes flicking over to Cameron for a second. The rest of us look like we’ve barely woken from bed, but he’s already dressed for the day, his hair styled, a shirt and tie on under his long wool winter coat. If I didn’t feel so much disdain for him, I might be able to note that he looked good. Europe was doing him good. Fucking other women apparently made him need to invest in his wardrobe and appearance. Good for him.
“Violet,” he says my name in a warm familiar tone that would leave you thinking we didn’t spend the last minutes we’d seen each other arguing publicly in a restaurant about me fucking someone else.
“Aren’t you excited?” My mother’s brow furrows.
“Yes. Just tired and cold,” I lie. They’re coming fast and furious this morning.
“I don’t know why you came out here anyway. The steps are icy.” She shakes her head at me like I’m a misbehaving toddler.
“I noticed.”
“It’s good to see you.” Cameron wraps his arms around me when I reach the top step and pulls me close to him.
It’s an infuriating display he knows I have to participate in because of my mother’s presence. As much as I plan to tell my mother the truth, this hour of the morning, outside, right after she thinks she has donea good thingis not the time I want to discuss it. It will be explosive, and after talking to Ben this morning, I don’t have it in me. And at this point,whenwe discuss it might be the only aspect I have any control over.
“You’re freezing though. We should get you inside.” Cameron rubs his hand over my back, and I wonder if I could rip it off discreetly as he ushers me back in the house alongside my mother.
They exchange a few more pleasantries before she wanders off, and I use the time to ditch my coffee mug in the sink. I can hear my mother and Mama Beth plotting the menu and plan of attack in the dining room, and the smell of the turkey they’ve already put in the air fryer is enveloping the room.
“Do you want to talk in our room?” Cameron asks when I finally turn to face him.
“Our room?” I laugh, because I don’t know what else to do besides cry.
“Yeah, your mom got me set up when I got here.”
“Why are you here?”
“Why doesn’t your mom or dad seem fazed that I am?” he hits back.
I glare at him.
“Just, come talk to me Violet, please.” He gives me a pleading look and it’s revolting. I think about that for all of two seconds before Ben’s voice echoes in my head. Him telling me not to say “Ben, please” anymore and I wonder if this is why. I wonder if this is how much he can’t stand me. I can’t dwell on that thought because it hurts to imagine that he might feel about me the way I feel about Cameron.
“Fine.” I reluctantly follow him into my room, and he shuts the door behind us.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, the second we’re alone.
