Page 93 of Reverse Pass
“See, again why this situation sucks because I love you both and I feel like I owe you both silence.”
“No, I get it. It’s fair, Nora. And I don’t mean to put you in the middle. It’s just I want a chance to explain to him, to work through it.”
“Just give him some time and space first. He’s feeling bruised right now. But he’ll get over it and be more reasonable. You didn’t make the best decisions, but they’re understandable ones and Ben is the kind of person who doesn’t stay mad long.”
“I hope not.” I look at my best friend and whatever she sees written on my face, she reaches over to give me a hug.
* * *
The driveback from the cabin is brutal. I’d hoped I could use the time in the car to talk to him, to explain things and apologize but as we’d gotten in to drive home, he’d told me he had a headache and just wanted to focus on the drive. It’d taken everything I had to just keep quiet and stare at the passing scenery.
I thought that would have been the worst of it, but his lack of appearance anywhere in the apartment for several days was proving worse. I would have taken anything at this point. A wave before he left for classes, a smile when he got back from practice, but there was nothing. The only reason I knew he was at least occasionally still staying at our place was the smell of his body wash in the shower in the morning, and water droplets on the tiles. Otherwise he was gone. And I was beginning to think any chance we had was long gone with him.
* * *
Which waswhy when I heard his name outside my office, I immediately started eavesdropping. It was the same group of women as before, or at least some of them as I recognized at the least one of them for her distinctive voice.
“He’s going to the frat party this coming weekend, for sure. I have it on good authority.”
“Whose authority? Because the last time it was London, and she told you that he was somewhere he was never going to be.”
“Colton and Jake. Jake actually invited me.”
“Wow. He invites you and you’re going to go after Ben anyway?”
“I mean, it’s not my fault he invited me.”
“Isn’t it? You have been flirting with him a lot.”
“Because it seemed like Ben was unavailable. With the whole suspension he was MIA. Now he’s back, and now I’m blonder and have a chance.”
“Well, good luck. You’ll need it. Every chick on campus is going to be after him when they hear he’s back.”
My gut churns at the statement, because she’s right. Ben is going to be inundated with women who want to make up for lost time if this group was any example. And he was going to forget that his older sister’s dowdy best friend who was pushing 27 years old with no money and no prospects even existed. At least I wasn’t a burden to my parents. I had that going for me still, right?
I probably should do what I originally planned to do. Get my act together, focus on school, career opportunities, and what life could look like post-graduation. That would be the best way to spend my time, instead of pining over a boy who was well out of my league to begin with and involved history that now came with a very complicated set of baggage.
But I miss him, and now that he’s gone, I realize how much about him I took for granted. I’d be thrilled just to have my roommate back who teases me while we make dinner in the kitchen or watches a movie with me at night asking me how it’s possible that CGI that bad could really give me nightmares. But even more so, I want the Ben I love back, and that’s the one I think I’m least likely to ever see again. I’d been so lucky to have him, and so stupid to lose him—in one of the dumbest ways imaginable.
I wonder if it’s possible to win him back over. If he did love me, I had to imagine there might be a way, but I was at a loss for what that was. Every explanation I had for not telling my parents, lying to Nora, or for Cameron showing up not once but twice, seemed to fall short of everything he had given me. And if I was honest with myself, he’d given me everything. Asking for very little in return. The real jerk move I’d made wasn’t getting involved with him in the first place, but not appreciating him while I had him.
* * *
And now hewas out of town on a road game, one that I was sitting on the couch watching, curled up next to Joss as she worked on editing photos of mostly naked male models.
“I miss him.” I pout, curling my legs under me and leaning my head against her shoulder. I stare absently at her screen as she works on the latest photo.
“Me too,” she agrees.
“How do we get him back?”
“I think that’s mostly a job for you, since I’m pretty sure it’s not me he’s avoiding,”
“I tried apologizing via text. I’ve tried to wait and see him in the morning, but I never know when he’s here or not.”
“Did you try waiting for him in his bed naked again?”
“I should have never told you that.”
