Page 62 of Pick Six
“Does it though? You’re telling me I imagined that little scene between you two?”
“No… I—we have that brief moment of history I guess and sometimes it feels like it’s unfinished business.”
“Which history? The BBQ you mean?”
“Yeah, that first night I met him.”
“Yeah, comets and falling stars. Not romantic at all.” She gives me a look.
“Right. As I said before, we kind of ended up together that night. We talked a bunch, and he wasn’t the usual Alex with the bravado and the swagger. It was like we got each other, I guess. I’ve never felt that kind of instant attraction to someone, but with him, it just clicked. We kissed for a while and then he offered to get a hotel. Except I knew how that would end for me.” I’d told Violet the basics of that night, but I’d never really explained how much I’d felt.
“So you didn’t go.”
“No. I knew with how I felt about him already that it would end terribly for me. Then after that night, I told myself to get a grip and wrote him off. It was at another party of yours a few weeks later that I was sitting outside by myself for a bit when Drew came up and talked with me. He offered me a beer and was telling me these lame jokes. I wasn’t into it at first, but I don’t know… He grew on me. Then Alex showed up with a date, and I was like okay, perfect. It’s a sign. So, I hung out with Drew for the rest of the night. We had a really good time, and he was super attentive and sweet. I didn’t know he was Alex’s agent or friend at the time. I was sort of avoiding Alex, obviously. I just thought Drew was someone connected to the team somehow. It was a casual conversation and I didn’t pry.”
“Oh, right. Yikes. And then you found out?”
“Yep, well later. Our first date he mentioned he was an agent and I thought it would be rude to ask about his client list, so I stayed clueless for a while. And when Alex told me it was already kind of late. Drew and I’d been dating for a bit. I really liked him at the time. So we just agreed we wouldn’t talk about it. I mean it didn’t come to anything anyways. We kissed a few times but that was it.”
“Yeah, but the way you two always look at each other. That explains a lot of it if you had that kind of connection. I almost think it can be worse when it doesn’t come to anything because it leaves open all those what-ifs.”
“I guess.” I shrug, taking a sip of my drink.
“Nothing’s happened during all this time you’ve spent together?”
“I didn’t say that.” I tilt my head and give her the side-eye.
“I wouldn’t have believed you if you said no anyway.” She smirks.
“It’s just with all the time we spend together, and him looking and acting how he is. He’s hard to resist and charming when he wants to be. The things he says… I want to believe them, you know?”
“Oh trust me. I get it. Ben was my fucking roommate, and I had to see him being all of that every single day. It’s not fair, I know. Eventually, you cave.”
“Yeah, but Ben is so… opposite of Alex in every way? He’s kind and soft-spoken. Absolutely focused and single-mindedly in love with you. Alex is… well, Alex. We’re fake dating because he beat the shit out of someone and his temper is on a hair-trigger, and his attention span with women historically is like a goldfish. I know. I saw all the women he dated or tried to date over the last few years. I want to think I’m different, but I bet most of those women did too.”
“And yet the way he looks at you…”
“I’m unfinished business. The second it’s finished…”
“And you don’t want it to be over?”
Well.That is a simple question I hadn’t asked myself yet. I don’t. I feel a well of panic bubble up at the realization.
I want to believe the way he looks at me means something. All the things he says sound so damn real. But the first time we met he’d made it clear he wasn’t capable of any of those things. That one-night stands were as far as it went for him. And while it feels like a lot has changed, it’s so hard to know for sure. To put my heart out there and trust someone again feels dangerous. When it’s only recently mended and barely stitched back together. When he’s told me point blank to my face before that he couldn’t be that guy. I worry I’m a fool for hoping for more.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Violet is looking at me closely, studying my face with concern. “Can I give you some unsolicited advice?”
“Sure.”
“Don’t wait. If you know you want him, go for it, tell him, and let things fall where they’re supposed to. If he’s done, he’s done. The anxiety will be over because you’ll know your fate. If he’s not done, then you didn’t waste precious time you could have been enjoying it, fretting over it.”
I sigh. I know she’s probably right.
“If I had it to do over again, just saying.” Violet gives me a little shrug.
“I appreciate the advice.”
“Now, how’s the museum stuff going? Have you made any progress? We’ve gotten more signatures and donations. Not that I can tell you too many details, but it’s going well on our end.”
