Page 84 of Pick Six
“I was worried it would create unnecessary drama, and at that point I had feelings for you. I was falling for you, and I wanted to see where things went. I didn’t care about what had or hadn’t happened with Alex.”
“And I’m just supposed to believe that, when the two of you are together now. Like I was just some fucking mistake.” Tears are welling in Drew’s eyes and guilt swarms in my gut. I shouldn’t feel it because he hurt me over and over again. And none of that seemed to matter to him until I was moving on.
“You weren’t a mistake. If you hadn’t cheated on me. If you’d been more involved… Fuck, even if you’d just agreed to go to the counseling with me and promised to never hurt me like that again, we might have fixed it or at least tried. But you didn’t care. You just wanted what you wanted—and that wasn’t me. So don’t come back now and act as though you’ve always been madly in love with me, and Alex is stealing me away. That’s not how this went.”
“I’m fucking in love with you. Christ, Harper. You’re so fucking blind because not everyone is as perfect as you are. I cheated. I fucked up. I never felt like I was good enough for you. That I deserved you. The other women, they weren’t you. Not so perfect, not as beautiful, not as kind. It made me feel like I had someone at my own level for once. Like maybe I was better even, and they were lucky to have me. I never fucking felt that with you—like you felt like you were lucky to be with me. And it killed me. So fuck this storyline you and Alex have fed yourselves that I never loved you. I might not have loved you the right way or best, or whatever the fuck it is you think he does. I might not fucking love you last either, but I fucking love you, Harper.”
I stand there feeling stunned because this is the most emotional Drew has ever been about our breakup. Even when I asked for a divorce, he was calm. He’d barely raised his voice. It’d been one of the most crushing aspects—how little he seemed to care. He’d still tried to talk me out of it, but he was never like this.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Drew.”
“I want another chance.”
“It’s too late for that.”
“Why? Because of him. I don’t care about him.”
“I do.”
“You shouldn’t. He’s going to treat you the same way he’s treated every other woman in his life—when he’s bored, it’ll be like you never existed. You have to know that. You’ve seen how he treats some of them with your own eyes. Then you’ll wish you’d listened to me. That you’d come back to me. That you’d given me a second chance. Because for me you’re the center of my fucking world, Harper. The other women were the mistakes I made. I’d give up everything to have you. You think he can say the same?”
His words rattle me. Not because I ever want to be back with Drew, that much I know for sure. But because the part about Alex being bored is a real worry in the back of my mind. It’s one I try to ignore. An insecurity I don’t want to listen to. But Alex’s track record is long and thinking I’m the exception is wildly vain. I take a deep breath, trying to silence the thought. I don’t want to think about any of it right now. And it doesn’t matter anyway. I’m not trying to marry Alex. I don’t even love him—fuck, wait. Do I?
I can’t process any of this until Drew is gone. He’s the last person I need here right now.
“I think you need to leave Drew.”
“Yeah, I get it.” His mouth goes to a thin line as he looks at me. “A lot to think about. But think about it, hard. Then let me know when you’re ready to talk.”
“Yeah, okay. Just go Drew. I’ll let Alex know about the paperwork.”
“I love you, Harper.”
“Don’t do that,” I warn.
“Call me when you’re ready. I’ll fix it,” he says, walking out the door and shutting it behind him.
I lock it immediately, and I’m tempted to put a chair in front of it. I hate that he has a key, and it’s something I wish Alex had warned me about. If I’m going to keep staying here, that’s something that would have to change.
FORTY-FOUR
Alex
When I get homethat night the lights are off except for the dull glow of the muted TV, and I see her curled up on my couch in front of it. I’m guessing she fell asleep after the game waiting for me, and I smile at the sight of her here in my space. I try to set my stuff down quietly and close the door, but I still manage to make enough noise that she stirs.
She sits up a moment later and grabs her temples, and I can see the wince she makes as she starts to stand up.
“Saint? You okay?”
“Umm. Hi. You’re back.” She grimaces as she tries to greet me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Just a migraine. I get them sometimes. I thought if I took a nap it’d get better, but I think it’s worse. I should have taken something but after everything that happened, I was out of it.”
“Everything that happened?” I frown.
“Drew was here.”
