Page 84 of Overtime
“I think you might already be a little grumpy.” Her brow raises at me but she smiles. “But that’s allowed given everything going on. I’ll do my best not to treat you like a child. I just… want to be here for you.” Her eyes go soft as she looks at me, and it makes my chest go tight in response. I look out the window, trying to distract myself.
“I appreciate it.” I nod, because deep down in a more selfish part of myself I’m glad she’s here. I’m glad that she canceled her flight and presumably her shoot and is at my side. Because I want her with me like this always. But her job is her lifeline. Being on the road is what she loves. Every moment she’s taking care of me is a moment she’s not doing the thing she loves and I don’t want her to have to make choices like this.
FORTY-FIVE
Joss
“Colt,”I say softly, curled up on the couch next to him as we watch television. I set my phone aside because it’s been nearly a week of our nurse and patient routine, and he’s been allowed to return to practice. The team might not have him for this weekend’s game, but it won’t be long before things are back to normal. He’s mentioned it several times already, and I know the unspoken question is about when I rebook my flight.
I’ve been putting it off, and then just now, looking at flight prices like a coward. Instead of doing the thing I know I need to. That Violet told me to do way before now.
“Yeah?” he asks absently.
“I love you,” I blurt out.
I’ve lain awake at night coming up with ways to tell him. Speeches. Elaborate workarounds and build-ups that would put this whole thing into context. But I forget all of them and just let the words fly out on their own.
“What?” He puts his phone down and looks up abruptly.
“I love you. I’m in love with you, I think.”
“You thinkwhat?”
“Well, I’ve never had it happen before so… I was going to tell you. The night we went out to dinner. And then after the game. But then things kept happening and it never seemed like the right time. Now it’s just… I’m trying to find a flight to get back on the road, and I don’t want to leave without saying it.”
He stares at me blankly then, and my heart constricts in my chest and my lungs feel like they’re tightening so much I might lose my ability to breathe. I’m just left hanging here, suspended in space. The kind where you’ve stupidly told your friend—frenemy with benefits? Fuck buddy? That you’ve fallen for them, and they do nothing but stare.
“Oh… so this is what it feels like then. Well fuck, I guess I get why you were upset then.”
He blinks and then scowls a little, puzzling like he doesn’t understand again.
“What are you talking about?”
“When you told me you had feelings for me last time and I freaked out on you. No wonder you were so hurt. I get it. The chest pain alone…” I rub my sternum. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I thought… I thought you’d want to know. Maybe. I mean I guess like you said before… We’re never the right people for each other at the right time. I bet we’re happy in that parallel universe though, right?” The tears are starting to form and holy fucking hell is that embarrassing. I’m just the queen of waterworks lately, showing up here and having all my pent up emotions pour out like I can’t control them.
I’m really feeling very sympathetic for a younger Colt right now. And I wasn’t nearly as kind as he’s being. He’s just sitting here silently while I make a fool of myself. I had said unkind things and then fled. Although I have to say the silence is a little cutting too.
“Could you say something please?” I ask at last when it stretches on too long.
“Sorry. I’m just thrown off right now. I swear to God, you just told me that… that you’re in love with me, and now I’m trying to decide if I call the team doctor, or we just go to the emergency room. Did they say what to do if I start hallucinating, do you remember?”
“Colt… don’t make jokes right now.” I cough a little.
“I’m not joking. It’s fucking freaking me out.”
“Jesus, Colt. You’re not hallucinating. I said I’m in love with you, and you’re acting so weird. I know I probably deserve it, but I thought I might have earned a little grace after everything.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes, I’m serious.”
“You’re in love with me?”
“Trust me. I’m already questioning it now.” I glare at him and swipe at my tears.
“Marry me then.”
“What?”
