Page 59 of Overtime
I wander over and curl up across from her, staring out at the water as I start my confession.
“I’m just having a rough day, and I think I just… need to talk to someone. Tell someone the truth and see where that gets me.”
“Okay. I’m listening…” I can hear the concern in her tone, and I take a deep breath.
“I came back here because I missed you so much, but also because I was a little lost. I still love my work and getting to travel and see all the sights—don’t get me wrong—but I think maybe it’s taking a toll. Never having a home. Never having friends to spend every weekend with. All my connections are through the phone, and I honestly just feel disconnected sometimes.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Then when I got here, I just saw this whole life you and Ben and Colt have. This whole little community you all have built up and how you all rely on each other. I just wanted to be a part of that, feel like I fit in somehow even if it’s only for a few weeks, you know?” I glance at her, and her brow is furrowed, but she’s nodding.
“I understand. I’m sure it feels like we’ve moved on without you. But, Joss, you know we miss you and love having you back here. You’re my person, you know, and no matter how long you’re gone anytime you come back it’s like no time has passed as far as I’m concerned.”
“I know. I mean I know you guys will always love me and let me back in, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m on the outside looking in. Especially seeing you all married and happy, with your football family.”
“You can always be a part of it, you know. You just have to decide you want to be here. I know I’m not the only one who would be thrilled about that idea.” She gives me a meaningful look.
“Well, I want to make sense here. Be useful. And now I think I’ve bit off more than I can chew. This whole foundation thing. I’m sucking at it. I can’t get the donors I thought I could, and my magic wand is rusty. I used to be really good at this but given I don’t live here, and people don’t know who I am…”
“No one’s expecting you to work miracles, Joss. And frankly, you’ve already done a lot. Just the inspiration and boost you’ve given Harper. She was so defeated, and you’ve given her hope again.”
“But what if I can’t deliver on it?” I feel the tears start to come again.
“Joss. You are delivering on it. You’re busting your ass. You got the football players organized and donating. You’re doing the photos. I know those books are going to sell. It’s gonna take a bit to get donors. You’re a brand-new foundation. No one expects it to be an overnight sensation. It takes work.”
“I guess.”
“You know. You’d be giving me the same lecture if this was you on the other side of it.”
I nod, staring out the window as the rain splashes against the deck making miniature puddles that shift and morph with each new splattering of droplets.
“I also caved with Colt. Well… I didn’t cave so much as I taunted him mercilessly until we both did.”
“Ah. So that’s what’s got you extra anxious.” Violet knows me better than anyone. Probably even better than Colt.
“Yes. I don’t want to fuck it up again. He’s changed—a lot. But so have I, and I don’t know if that means we get out of this unscathed or if there’s just the potential for this to be even worse this time around.”
“I think you’ve both matured a lot. I’m not worried.”
“Ben is.”
“Ben has extra worries because he wants Colt’s head in the game.”
“And I take it out?”
“I mean, he’s not unaffected by you. But I wouldn’t say you take him out of it. I think you just give him other things to give a fuck about. He’s got to figure out how to have something in his life other than football. It’s all he does, and it’s not healthy. He hangs out with Ben and me plenty and goes to team events sometimes too. But from time to time, I really worry about how narrowly focused he is.”
“Yeah, I can see that. He’s kind of a workaholic like I am. He gets lost in the pursuit of it. There’s a lot of pressure on his shoulders though.”
“That’s true. And I think you make him forget a little bit of that. Remind him there’s more to life than playing flawless games with great stats.”
I laugh, and she smiles at me.
“I think with the weather I need some chai. Want to get some with me?”
I nod and follow her out to the kitchen. The relief of having told someone floods me and the tears start to come again.
“Joss?” She looks at me with worry.
