Page 76 of West Bound
“I’m good,” I insist.
We ride out into the expanse of the ranch, following a shallow river off into prairie land and toward the forest. It’s a gorgeous day, and the leaves turning on the aspens have bathed the forest in a golden halo. The air is that perfect crisp breeze that you wish you could breathe in forever, and the sun keeps you just warm enough that you never get cold. Lady Luck is every bit as sweet as a horse could be, and she almost makes me forget how scared I am. I doubt the horses at my father’s ranch will have this kind of temperament, but I suppose wilder things can happen.
By the time we head back to the barn, I've almost forgotten the blonde woman exists. Except she’s there waiting when we get back, and Levi stops to tell her something as she walks the horses back into the stable and toward their stalls on the far side. I wait patiently by the empty saddle stands, watching as he looks around as if he’s trying to be sure no one overhears. Then he leans in to tell her something that has her smile spreading wide, and she looks up at him like he’s the best thing she’s ever seenin her life. That much at least, I can relate to. Which tells me I’ve spent far too much time on this ranch. She wraps her hand around his forearm and presses her other hand to her mouth before she animatedly answers him.
He’s flirting with her. Again. Right in front of me.
I can’t believe I ever let myself fall into this ridiculous fantasy with him. As if I’m anything but a means to an end in his world. This right here is his real life. Now that I’m finally seeing him with people outside of his inner circle, everything’s under a different light. She'll be here long after I'm gone, and they'll be laughing and whispering to each other about the nun who thought she had feelings for him. Hell, they might be doing that right now.
The worst part of all of this is that I just have to stand here and wait. I can’t leave. I can’t run off. I just have to watch it all unfold and then go back to the cabin with him for dinner. And I have to do my best not to crumble from sheer embarrassment. It’s moments like this I miss the convent, and my friends there. They’d tell me I was being awful at this whole nun thing and to focus on things I can control, like the dinner I was making or how far through the catalog I've made it in the archives. Without those distractions, I have far too much time on my hands. Abbess always said idleness was an invitation for temptation. As I wait here, it’s also an invitation for doubt.
As Levi walks toward me, he smiles, as if nothing in the world is wrong. Still happy from our ride, like I should be.
“You ready to get some dinner?” he asks. “We could eat at the ranch house or see if we can sneak some leftovers from the kitchen at the inn for a change.”
“You sure you don’t want to have dinner with her?”
His beautiful face is temporarily marred by confusion, and then he looks back over his shoulder.
“With Millie?” He turns back to me, his eyes sweeping over me as if he’s trying to puzzle me out. “Are you jealous of Millie?”
“I’m not jealous. I just thought maybe you two have a thing going on. Like we do or not like we do. Obviously, we don’t have a thing; we just have an inconvenient cohabitating situation.” I can’t even find the right words to discuss this.
He stares at me for a long moment, and it feels like I’ll melt under his gaze. If I didn’t die of embarrassment before, I will now. I don’t know why I opened my mouth. I don’t want to know they’re having a thing. Like us or otherwise. I would rather live in blissful ignorance of anything they’ve had.
“We don’t have a thing,” he says at last.
“Had. Have. Will have on Friday night. Whatever the case might be.”
“There is no thing. Now or ever.”
“Okay. I know I’ve been living under a rock, or on one, quite literally, but I also know what flirting looks like when I see it. She was obviously flirting with you, and you were eating it up. You don’t have to lie to me. It makes me question other things.”
“Like what?” I can tell the implication rankles him.
“I don’t think it’s worth talking about.”
“If it has you this riled, it obviously is worth talking about.”
“Fine. Have it your way.” I shift on my feet, crossing my arms over my chest. “I know you were there to kidnap me. That it was business to you. We were both dishonest. But did you… Was any of it real? All the flirting and the touches and spending time with me at the convent? Some of those conversations we had… Did any part of you actually like me, or were you just trying to get under my skin to get my attention? Seducing me on purpose?” We’d just sort of moved on without any discussion and now I feel silly for never asking.
He clears his throat and stands a little straighter, looking out across the field beyond the stables before he answers, and the delay makes my weary heart sink even lower.
“On purpose. But it wasn’t my idea.”
“Whose idea was it?”
“Does it matter?”
“If you want me to believe it wasn’t yours, yes.”
“Dakota and Charlotte.”
That knowledge pricks, particularly because I liked Dakota so much when I met her. She seemed so kind and genuine.
“I thought she was so nice.”
“She is nice. Has one of the biggest hearts I’ve ever met. But your father blew up her bar and nearly killed her and Grant. Destroyed the only memories she had of her family. She assumed you were on assignment for him. Can you blame her?”
