Page 81 of West Bound
“No. I didn’t know. I didn’t find out until after. I honestly still don’t know for sure. I don’t have the proof anyway. I wish I did. When I accused him, he told me I was crazy. That I’d lost my mind completely, and I was just reaching for some way to make him a villain. But I can’t shake the feeling.”
“What makes you think they set him up?”
“We were so young. So naïve. Chase, my boyfriend, was so happy for us to be together, but my dad hated me dating him. Chase thought he could change his mind. He wanted to prove himself to my dad. At first it seemed like my dad was open to the idea. He gave him an internship that summer and set him up with a nice stipend. My dad really made me believe that he was buying into our relationship. Told me if I was gonna be stubborn and pick someone for myself that he’d at least try to make a man out of him,” she explains, her thumb absently swiping over the top of her knee.
“Fuck. Your father’s such a prick. I mean, I knew that, but each new thing I learn makes me even more certain.”
“You’re not wrong.” She looks distant as she swirls her fingertip over the surface of the water, breaking the tension and sending ripples out from the center. “Then one night, he gave him an assignment. It was just a courier job. Taking some paperwork and some cash to someone, one of my dad’s business associates. Chase called to tell me he was going to be late for our date night. But it was at a bar known to be rough. A fight broke out, and he was caught in the crossfire. Allegedly. I wasn’t there, and the cops didn’t spend a lot of time on the case. So ifit was premeditated or if he was set up, I’ll never really know. Regardless, I felt responsible. My dad, his business. Plus, Chase was doing it all for me because he wanted my dad to accept him, you know?” She sniffs back another round of tears, glancing up at the sky to hold them back.
“Families like ours aren’t safe for good people. The undertow of all the fucked-up shit ends up dragging them down too or rotting the relationship from the inside out.” I stare up at the sky, thinking of the people who could have died at the wedding.
“You sound like you have personal experience,” she notes, and I can feel her eyes on me.
“I did. It was a long time ago now though.” I shrug. A memory of my ex flashes in front of me, the two of us in college, studying for our sociology finals at a local diner. Her with a giant milkshake and me with the biggest fucking mug of rot-gut coffee I could find.
“She died?” Zephyrine looks horrified for me, and I’m snapped back into the present.
“No. She left. She was smart enough to see me and all of this for what it was. A life of misery at best and a death sentence at worst. She wanted me to leave with her, and when I wouldn’t, she got out. Packed her shit in her little truck and drove off into the sunset.
“I was hurt at first, angry for a while after the hurt dulled. Now… Honestly, I’m proud of her. She chose herself. She chose a future. One far better than I could have ever given her, especially with everything that’s happened since.”
“Is she still around?”
“I don’t think so, but I don’t know. We stopped talking. We tried for a little while. She checked in on me when my parents died, came to the funeral. But we just grew apart, you know? If she had died, I don’t know how I would have coped. So I’m sorry, truly, for what happened to Chase. I can imagine how that musthave ripped your world apart.” I look at Zephyrine, and she gives me a sympathetic smile.
I don’t think I’ve ever talked about this before with anyone. Not even Grant. Not honestly anyway. They all knew I was broken up over Cora, but not the depth of it. Ramsey might have understood, but then I was fairly certain Ramsey never really gave up on Hazel.
I knew Cora and I were over for good from the moment she walked. I wasn’t going to fight her when I knew it was the best thing for her, and it didn’t take her long to find someone else who could do better than me. But I at least knew she was out there, living her life, happy and free. A husband and kids. If I had to live with her being six feet under because of my own family, I have no idea how I’d have gotten through it back then. A monastery might have seemed like the only option besides putting a bullet in my head.
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to live with that.” I run my knuckles down the side of her cheek, sweeping away the tears and wishing I could take the pain with them.
“Thank you,” Zephyrine says softly, looking back at me glassy-eyed. I coast my finger under her chin and lean forward, kissing the corners, the left and then the right.
“Is he why you want to go back to the convent?”
She nods. “Part of it. It feels like I owe him that. You know? He never got the life he should have had because of me. It feels wrong to just go back out into the world after all this. Not to mention, my husband’s family will probably want me dead once they realize I was involved in his death.”
“Your husband’s family will never know you were involved. All they’ll ever know is that you were a hostage. Same as him. They can assume I just let you live because you had a fucking good side. That man didn’t have a single redeeming bone in his body.”
“His mother loved him. A lot. Too much, maybe. I think that’s where his ego came from, the way she doted on him like he was God’s gift to the world. She hated me too. Didn’t think I was good enough for him.” Zephyrine’s face falls at the memory.
“Yeah, well. Mothers are blind to flaws like that, I think. They have to be, I guess. I know mine was. She talked about us all like we were perfect angels when we were anything but.”
“I bet you drove her mad when you were younger. I can only imagine you and Grant.” A smile threatens to return to her lips.
“We gave her a lot of hell, yeah. I think she couldn’t wait for high school to be over so she could ship us off to college just to get a break.”
She grins at me. “I believe it.”
“Speaking of… Do you want to finish college? You dropped out, I assume because of the wedding.” I wonder about the woman she could have become if they hadn’t derailed her—the one she might still be once the last of them is out of her way.
“I’d like to. The convent funds a few students each year. I was taking some art history courses and archival ones that I could find online. But now that Corey is out of the way, and I can leave the grounds, I could probably take something more rigorous. Maybe enter university at a smaller college or take a course in Munich, if the abbess approves.”
“They let you take classes?”
“Yes. As long as it’s not too expensive and it helps us with our role in the convent. They want to make sure the money eventually leads back to charity work or something that benefits the convent, you know?” She looks up at me, and the sun lights up the halo of red around her face.
“What if you have your own money? I’m still working on the bank situation for you, by the way. Don’t think I’ve forgotten.” I just want her to have full freedom to do what she wants, not tobend to the will of another mistress like the abbey that’ll demand that every moment of her day serve them.
