Page 36 of Dare to Dance
When the door clicked shut, I flinched. A heavy silence stretched between Kross and me as I held onto the arm of the couch. We were two people who had known each other well, who had explored each other’s bodies, learning how sex should go, telling each other things about likes, dislikes, and what we dreamed about, and we couldn’t even speak. He was probably waiting for me to say something. After all, he’d asked me about a baby, and while I knew deep, deep down that he deserved to know about Raven, I was at a loss for words. I was also frightened out of my freaking mind with what-ifs. What if he fought for custody of Raven? He could take her away from me completely, especially when he learned that I’d been homeless and could very well be again if Alex kicked me out. Not only that, but my brain couldn’t function with his intimidating stature in the tiny apartment. All six feet of him exuded sexiness—his unshaven jaw, messy hair, ripped jeans, and muscles I knew rippled underneath his clothes.
I needed space and air.
“I’m here to listen,” he said. “I’m not going to force you to give me answers. If you’re not ready to talk, then I’m okay with that.”
My fingers dug into the plaid fabric of the couch as I lowered my gaze. “So you’re not going to put out an APB on me?”
“I deserved that. I’m sorry.” His attitude had certainly changed overnight. “Do you hate me that much?”
I jerked my head up then scrunched my nose. As much as I didn’t want to be in this apartment with him, I could never hate him. In my mind, that would mean I would hate my daughter, who was a mini Kross. The only feature Raven had of mine was her small nose. She even had one lone dimple in her right cheek like her daddy. A tear snuck out suddenly. I quickly dashed it away.
“Kross, can we go for a walk? I promise I won’t do a disappearing act. You can even hold my hand.” I smiled. The feel of his skin on mine would be nice. On second thought, it wouldn’t. I would want more, and I couldn’t have more. I wasn’t as beautiful as his girlfriend, and I certainly didn’t have the emotional backbone to deal with my feelings.
I diverted my gaze to the shag carpet.
In three strides, he was standing in front of me. He touched my chin then gently guided it up. “You’re still shy. I’ve always loved that about you.”
I wanted to say, “Careful, you might not love everything I have to say.”
“I’d rather be in a quiet place,” he said. “The streets are too loud. Why don’t we go to my apartment?”
I inched back, shaking my head like a wet dog. “No. I’d feel more comfortable outside.” I wanted to go back to the abandoned warehouse where I’d slept earlier. No one would be there. But if I took him there, he would judge me.Make him feel what you feel. Show him your life. If he judges, then you’ll know where you stand.“Actually, I know a quiet place.” If we were about to talk, I had to be on my turf.
11
Kross
The same burntcar I’d seen the other night appeared stark against the graffiti-strewn walls of the desolate buildings lining both sides of the street. In the distance, the Boston Harbor loomed with its dark water, rippling with the light wind.
After we’d informed Norma of what we were doing, we walked in silence. Many times during our trek, I’d wanted to take Ruby up on her offer to hold her hand. Not that I was afraid she would run from me, but I wanted to squeeze her hand, let her know I was there for her and that I wasn’t the scared sixteen-year-old boy who had run with his tail between his legs. But I chickened out, afraid of the contact of her skin on mine and what it would do to me.
“Why here?” I asked when we arrived at an abandoned warehouse.
“My turf.”
A black-and-white cat darted across the road and into the building closest to the harbor.
“Are we at war?” I kept my tone playful, but in reality, I wasn’t kidding. From my standpoint, she didn’t want anything to do with me, and I wanted answers that she wasn’t giving up.If you hadn’t been a dick, threatening her with the cops and stalking her like a freak, she might’ve talked to you last night.
Lifting her delicate shoulders, she gave me a half smile. “Maybe. Look, you want to talk, and I feel comfortable in places like this.” She followed the path of the cat.
I silently cursed for many reasons. The idea that she was comfortable in neighborhoods like the one we were in sent a dagger straight through my chest. But what kept driving that sharp blade clear through to my back was the fact that her life had not turned out as she’d dreamed. She’d been a skilled and beautiful ballerina. She’d lit up every time she talked about her dream of performing for the New York City Ballet one day.
A blast of fish odor, motor oil, and a strong scent of urine burned the hair in my nostrils as I walked into the warehouse.Good God.I choked.
My phone buzzed as Ruby headed toward a room that was carved into the far corner.
“What?” I said sharply into the phone as my voice bounced off the cement walls, echoing several times.
“Bro, calm down. I just wanted to make sure you were all right,” Kelton said. “Lizzie got worried when you bolted out the door. It’s way too early in the morning for you to be up. What’s going on? Is it Ruby?”
I hung my head. “Sorry I bit your head off. I’m with Ruby, but she won’t talk to me.” I tried to lower my voice, but the emptiness of the building wasn’t my friend. I shrugged. If Ruby was listening, I couldn’t do anything about it unless I left the building. But I didn’t want to. I wasn’t hiding anything from her. If she was going to trust me or even open up to me, then she should know how I feel. Sure, I should be telling her instead of Kelton, but at the moment, I needed my brother’s advice. “I’m not sure how much more I can take.”
“You should talk to Dad,” he said. “Or Kade.”
I barked out a laugh. “My brother Kelton is now giving sound advice. This is one for the books. Harvard suits you. Or I should say Lizzie suits you.” Kelton’s way of dealing with shit was pulling on his hair or punching his fists through walls. The latter wasn’t such a bad idea, but I couldn’t risk breaking or fracturing my hand like he had done not that long ago, not with my boxing career on the line.
“I’m not an expert, but give her space. When she’s ready, she’ll talk to you.”
